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| emmyd (profile) wrote, on 5-1-2004 at 10:12am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: my immortal Subject: :-( crying again... |
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| i did it again... :'( whats wrong with me i cant talk all this stuff anymore.... "these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me i've been alone all along" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ im sick of so much stuff.... im sick of crying myself to sleep everynite im sick of trying to make people happy and i cant no matter wat i do im sick of hanging on to situations for so long im sick of becoming so attached to ppl that wen they leave i want to leave every1 im sick of not being able to trust any1! im sick of being a procrastinator im sick of feeling as if i hurt every1 wen i dont do sumthin i dont think is rite :-\ im sick of hurting myself to get over everything :'( im sick of people wondering about why i do the things i do im sick of people trying to understand me wen they cant im sick of wishing and hoping that everything will get better and the people i love wont leave me :-( ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ poems to explain........... Secret Message I engrave this message into my wrist Prior to the hour of my death Where I will lay motionless Against the cold floor, leaving blood stains To where I was before Slowly, painfully I carve this message, Slice by slice, letter by letter Gasping breaths as the scars run deep, To previous cuts that I’ve achieved Never again will I feel this excruciating pain Razor to wrist as blood through my veins For when I awake I’ll be on the other side, Away form all of this misery that I’ve left inside Waiting and watching, and watching, me die Cutting myself open As if I’m hollow inside Where I will disintegrate in the fiery hell To make up for all of the sins that I have done well Fare well to thee, who is watching me bleed You cannot do anything, just wait and see See me bleed As my knees turn weak I cannot speak Fingers clenching the razor turn numb and meek The thump of my heart is getting much faster To get me away from this horrible disaster Finally I take in one last breath Unable to exhale, the pulse is dead Suddenly I hear an ear piercing scream “Such a wonderful child…” “How could it be?” “How can you take your life away, you were welcomed, you were here to stay” My wrist is turned over, the message is read “This cannot be, you cannot be dead” From then on the story is clear, Millions of footsteps Rushed and somber Ambulance sirens Growing louder and louder The casket closes The prayers are said And the last rose is placed on the soul of the dead “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust kill yourself now, kill you must” With a razor in my hand and a message in my wrist This is the last you will see of me, I no longer exist ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You cry at night trails blazing fire down sodden cheeks cold coiling at the pit. You draw imaginary lines along Your arms, following the blue rivers that drain Your heart massage the imaginary soreness from your neck stare at the soothing pink stones captive in glass bottles watch green ripples down the creek, sucking You in dangle Your feet from the brick red roof, listening to the colourless wind for an answer. Your hazel eyes, my dear brim with tears this morning that do not fall but become icicles, despite the orange sun, still, unmoved, piercing into my soul. i offered all i could, i held Your pale hands, caressed Your porcelain face, breathed in Your pain. yet You still cry at night. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now that you’ve gone, And left without me, I miss you everyday, You get a new life, But what do I get, When you are away, Having all things new, I get nothing, Not even a replacement of you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cut yourself, for all your worth Cut yourself and give new birth Cut your flesh and watch it bleed Cut emotions till they’re freed Cut until you scratch your core Cut till you can’t stand the gore Cut until you burn with heat Cut until your blood tastes sweet Cut yourself all over your body Cut until your hands are bloody Cut and rip yourself apart Cut and ease your aching heart Cut so deep – ignore your plea Just cut until you like what you see ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cut the beauty from you face Cut yourself every place Cut your hand Cut your heart None of this cutting is particularly smart! Cut your arm Cut your leg Watch your blood run red Just keep cutting Someday you'll be dead! Such a waste A beautiful life ruined Cutting away the special person you are Another like you won't be along very soon! It saddens me deeply when I read Your yearning for self mutilation to fill your need A way for you to punish others and yourself Instead of taking care of your health. It's been said that youth is wasted on the young You should be out with your friends, having some fun Instead of finding a way to damage yourself today Why not try talking with those who care, try a new way! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I think its finally settled for me I think i have decided I don't want to stay with you And burn with your angry fire I think i've finally made up my mind To travel far away Change it all Right here right now And end it all today Bleeding from angry cuts Draining away the pain Wandering what it would feel like If my spirit floated away Cut a little deeper Slide the knife inside Feel the metal bite me Feel it against the inside Tourture from your fire Hurting from your hate Wondering what i could have done To deserve this fate. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ im sorry..... |
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| Anonymous | 05-01-04 1:29pm emily i love you!!!
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