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| caity_024 (profile) wrote, on 5-4-2004 at 10:40pm | |
| Current mood: calm Subject: i want to touch the clouds |
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| wheeeee.... Im doing this thing where you write 100 questions...about anything....completely random..just questions you have.. from 'why is the sky blue?' to 'is ben IN love with me?' to 'do we have destinies?' Just literally anything. Its tricky but really interesting. Fun times. Alright, so I should probably spend that time doing homework instead, but school's almost over, so i think ill live. 13 days left. or something like that. There's still a bunch to do and fricken Traven scheduled a test on the LAST day. That blows. Im definitely not gonna wanna do it. But Chem is done after next week, and so is Humanities. Pre-Calc is ssdd, History is crap now that ms. Gibbons is gone, and physics isn't worth any extra breath. So life is doin pretty good. I tried quitting track. Yea, thats right, I TRIED. I wasn't allowed to. It even got the principal involved! But hes a cool guy so it wasnt too bad. Hes funny and realistic. College pressure is starting already. Im crazily confused again. I really really want to go to NMU, but they dont have a marine biology major or minor (ever since going to the Shedd i've been convinced i need to work with water animals a bit), plus its 6 hours away from the man im in love with. Damn it all. However, there is a water science major and minor and i can come home every so often. I dont really know what im doing. Kath is talkin to me all the time again. She's already back out in the 'dating world'. Its been 3 days. after 2 years with travis. im mightily confused. Plus shes still having sex with him. Thats not cool. At all. Yet another reason not to have sex. I've got a bunch of pros and cons to it actually Pros - well, those are easier to think of than to say.....so i guess i have more cons than pros... Cons - specific examples: Kath and Travis, where it became a habit that they can't break even though they broke up!!!, Allix and Joe, where they both want it so bad that they dont think of the complications and repercussions.... you have to worry about birth control, which i do anyway; theres always a chance that the guy wont have any fun..yea wouldnt THAT suck...im so negative...enough of this.. Im sick of being negative and weak...I think i need to go back into my shell. Im way too trusting and talkative now. Its made me weaker. Everyone knows me better and they know how to break me. That absolutely terrifies me. I like being completely unbreakable even if it means i seem distant and isolated. Much easier than being a crybaby. And i complain too much. And i hate being talkative when noone else is. Its frustrating...i could write or talk for days but noone else seems to care, so they dont talk which makes things boring. Yet another reason to keep my mouth shut again. Damn, Ive been way too open lately. I dont really like it. Too much trust being let out. I think i may go on birth control. Me and Ben aren't having sex, and we don't plan on it, even if i do go on birth control, but theres always the chance of an accident and this way we wouldnt have to worry so much. There'd be alot less stress on both ends. I wouldnt be so fricken crazed and i could sit back and REALLY enjoy myself. I wish I could stop time occasionally. It would be really nice. Rewinding it would be great too. I could take back things I said that got me in trouble, relive enjoyable moments, and watch everything go by in slow motion. It would be cool. But unfortunately time is a relentless pain in my ass, always keeping two steps ahead of me. Hey wow, I have mentioned Ben every other sentence in here. Probably cause there too much other stuff flying around in my head. I blame the 100 questions. I think i got him sick though. I certainly hope not. I wish I was better at video games. I want a play day....a cuddle day...one whole day to chill out and play glover (yea thats right glover), watch movies, and tickle (well try to) the hell out of ben. Just for kicks. But theres never enough time. And im always out of control. argh........ heres to the night ~me |
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andy | 05-07-04 10:43pm Your $2.00USD has been received. Thank you. |