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| mle (profile) wrote, on 1-16-2003 at 8:32am | |
| Current mood: chillin. lol, literally. Music: my punk cd - right now its a cover of "summer of 69" :) Subject: |
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christian history exam yesterday took 25 minutes. cake. spanish 4 took 20. cake again. today, web design was quite possibly the easiest test/exam ever. 10 minutes. :) next is ap english. stupid ap tests. cant study for it, but who knows how good ill do on it. then yearbook. aka, doing my nails and listening to the radio while layin on dusty couches. then tomorrow i got honors precalc and ap us history. what a blast. anyways. i like getting home. yesterday i just chilled all day. like, i laid ont he couch, watching mtv and reading a magazine/doing homework ahead for when ill be gone. thats what i did for like 3 hours. it was great. until mom got home. i dont know why, but it seems lately ive been extremely agitated with her. like, i wanna smack her up so bad. and thats not cool w/ me. shes always been the good one of the rents. ive been thinking a lot lately. lol big surprise. or maybe im just more aware of my thinking. either way, its cool. i like to know whats going on. ive figured out a lot about myself. and, of course, questioned other stuff about me enough to make me really wonder what the fuck is going on. so i was set back, but i guess its ok because i know more. wow, this is pointless. ... dance last night. i saw elicka. shes... everything i want to be. cute, skinny, sweet/innocent (at least when you first meet her lol). and an awesome dancer. she called me randomly last weekend from grecka's phone. lol that was amusing. i havent talked to her since she was in my dance class freshman year, when me her and emily white hung out a few times. and when i met jason. and grecka. and all those classy boys (haha right). that whole group of rockford friends. they always thought i was so quiet. i cant even imagine. i remember i used to have to get a couple drinks in me before id say a word. and then theres the christian kids who now think im a slut, but originally.. idk what they thought of me originally actually, now that it hink about it. and the west kids, who think im some kind of bitchy, slutty genius. whatever. but the thing that bugs me... is that i change to fit each group. sure, everyone does that a little bit or whatever. but this isnt right. ive changed my personality just based on who i hang out with. i was reading an article about this chick who dated 100 guys in 2 months and how she realized she needed to be more static in her personality. you cant please everyone. you just need to be you, no matter what your surroundings. and i want to be like that. but its hard when all i really want to do is please people. cause when people are happy, then im happy. i need to be loved. im extremely codependent like that. at least my confidence is. i dont know. im growing up. blah blah blah. finding out who i am. all the stupid cheesy-ass shit. :) but i guess its the only real way to put it. mle |
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spud | 01-16-03 5:02pm man
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