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| kalika9037 (profile) wrote, on 5-25-2004 at 12:22am | |
| There's been so much going on these last two weeks that I haven't been able to sit and absorb the feeling of being a high school graduate. Even after exams were done, there have been so many end of the year ceremonies and banquets. Since Saturday all I've been doing is bouncing around to everyone's graduation parties too. I usually love getting dressed up but I'm starting to get sick of it, and I'm running out of dresses. (Speaking of graduation parties, everyone better be coming to mine: Saturday, May 29 at my house, starting at 4. Dress is casual so everyone please stop asking!) I feel lost now. Since Saturday I've just been wandering around, not able to shake the feeling that there's something I should be doing, that I must be procrastinating on something and I should start on it. I can't convince myself that it's all done now, there's nothing left to do anymore. I cried at graduation, but I haven't cried since. I just can't believe that this is the end, I can't ever imagine not seeing these people every day. They've become a part of who I am. I am lucky enough to be going to college with an amazing group of friends by my side, but I'm still terrified of losing touch with the friends I love so much that will be so far away. I have hard time letting go, I've always known that about myself, but in this case I don't want to. Now I'm starting to cry, now it's sinking in. I know that no matter how much we all promise to stay best friends and stay in touch, it's unrealistic to believe that we really will for an extended period of time, but I can't stand the thought of losing all of you. I love you all so much, thank you for everything you've given me and taught me, and thank you for making me the person that I am today. It's 12:15 am, it's my birthday today. God how long have I waited for this 18th birthday. Now that it's come all I feel is relief, and a great deal of sadness. Because I made a mistake, because I was an idiot, I'll be spending this birthday alone. All of my friends are working or out of town today so the only plans I made for my birthday were plans with Steve. Now I'm left with nothing and no one. My own fault of course, I don't deserve anything more. Whether you believe this or not, I am so sorry Steve. I know I told you this before and I know it doesn't mean much, but I regret more than anything I have ever done in my life what I did. I can't believe I would hurt you, something I swore to both of us that I would never do. You deserve to cast me out, you deserve better than what I can give you. I love you and I wish you so much happiness. I miss you so much it hurts though. Happy Birthday to me |
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big7-8 | 05-27-04 12:24am happy birthday :) |
| kalika9037 | Re:, 05-27-04 3:06am Thanks a bunch. And here I was thinking you were just going to disappear not to be heard from for several months again. silly me, wonder where I could have gotten that idea |