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| squishylover (profile) wrote, on 5-27-2004 at 8:59am | |
| Current mood: too much sadness for the morning Music: Producers Subject: I love you...I love you not? |
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| Ryan and I have been getting into more disagreements lately. I don't know why to an extent. I want to know if it's because of me, cause then I want to stop whatever I'm doing wrong so we can be happy again. In chorus we had to write an essay on what song had the most personal meaning to us and I chose And so it goes by Billy Joel. I wrote how I'm in a relationship at the moment and I'm scared because I might be pushing the one I love away. Which is the opposite of what I want to do. I would never want to hurt him or make him sad, but it seems that's all I have been doing lately. It's hard to see things clearly when you have a mother who is constantly saying that I should get rid of Ryan because he is holding me back, I should have a person that would run with me and do what I do. Have the same type of personality that I do. In my opinion I don't think Ryan is holding me back, in fact I think he makes me a better person. I would be afraid to date a person like me, I find myself intimidating at times. I just wish that relationships were easier, and that there was an answer to every question that I had. But there isn't and I'm stuck with what I got. Ryan told me that he forgave me for the way I was acting yesterday, but I don't think everything is ok. I don't know why but in my opinion it's not. Ryan and I used to be the perfect couple the one's that never argued so cute together, now it's meaness from me sadness and unpleasantness. I want it to all go away. I want us to be able to be open with each other, and I think it's my fault for that one. But he never really talks about his feelings, so I'm left in the dark on trying to figure out what is going on in his head. I think the way things are going lately it might push us really far apart...which would probably break my heart some way or another. I hope everything get's cleared up before that happens. I told my mom about how I was being a bitch to Ryan and all she said was he'll get over it. My mom and I are so alike, I am always saying that. I don't want to be like my mother. I watched my mom and dad's relationship crumble...I don't want this one too. I would do anything to prevent that from happening. Ryan I apologize I'm sorry for everything. The way I'm acting anything I've done wrong I'm sorry. I hope you read this entry, and I don't know just read it and say something about it. -Chasmin- |
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| Anonymous | 05-27-04 11:31pm Chasmin...Im sorry on what's happening. Dig'em tend to keep things to himself I have always known him to be that way. I reall have never seen him so happy. I have known him for...lets see 6th grade so that would be 4 years. You guys have just hit a rough spot, keep with it and it will clear up. You guys still are a cute couple. All I say and I can't stress this enough..Dont let your Mom or parents for that matter, what is good for you or anything like that. Parents tend to destory happiness...Marisa parents are the ones that made her change her mind...I dont want to see you are dig'em get hurt...So please don't let your parents change your mind..Keep with it....It willl clear up...As Lauren's away message say "It can't rain all the time". Well good luck with everything Chasmin
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