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EyesOfCrystal (profile) wrote,
on 5-27-2004 at 11:42pm
My Best Friend

I, like Andrea, also remember the first day we met. But unlike Andrea, I remember more about the little things. Things like when we were running late to detention and started running down the hall, i tryed to push her and i ended up falling. I remember the little samples of wallpaper that she just had to stick all over the bathroom stalls when we were skipping. I remember spending the night at her house, we were putting on fake nails, and her brother fell asleep. Too bad for him...he woke up with fake toenails! Or when we made eachother pass out, and when i did it to Andrea, she started humping the pillows. I remember when Fournier said we couldnt go to the field trip the next day because we were talking, so we conned my next door neighbor into letting us come over when school was supposed to start and then take us to the mall. That same day, we went to a chinese restaraunt and there was this tall gumpy chinese guy cleaning tables and we couldnt help but laugh. One of the more memorable ones was when we were reading the instruction labels on the condom in science class. "wait until penis is erect" was the sentance that got us rolling. All those times when we tryed to get a buzz. I was spending the night at her house and we wanted a fruit and alcohol drink...so we squeezed oranges with our hands to drain the juice into the cup..that sisnt work, so we raided her dads canned fruit cupboard. We found a bunch of canned peaches and started dunping juice into the cup. Just as we got it filled up, a huge peach fell in and splashed it all over...damn peach. Or that time with Casey, ask Andrea what its like to wake up in your own vomit!! i think the worst one was when Chelsea was spending the night and i was talking to Tony on the phone, i was checking my maiil and got one from andrea...telling me she was moving. I started crying and hyperventalating, and tony was on the phone trying to help me calm down. But something pops into my mind when i think about our current situation. Andrea nad Alex. well, andrea was in love with this kid...and i hated him. i knew he actually wasnt good for her because i have talked to him alone before. He never remembered her name, he was all over other girls when she wasnt around, he would tell her he loved her, and then go make out with some strange girl with big boobs and open legs, he took her virginity and went behind her back and did stuff with any girl who walked by. and all i heard when i mentioned her was "andrea who?" "whats that girls name again?" "oh yea, that chic"...THAT is not someone who loves you. but she was happy. but i think it was because she didnt see what was going on. But i never tried to make her feel bad for being with him, or tryed to imply that he was a horrible person or harass him, i just let her be happy. because even though he was bad for her (unlike tony for me) i beleived her. because best friends are supposed to believe eachother because best friends shouldnt lie. but she doesnt believe me when i say im happy and safe. Are you my best friend andrea? it doesnt seem like you want to be anymore, and if your going to let all this ruin our friendship its pretty stupid. I still want to be best friends. ive spent nights crying on tony's shoulder because i feel like you dont want to be friends anymore, i feel like you are making new best friends to get over me, i feel like im just the old best friend in the old town and the old school with the old memories, and its not good to feel like that. i hurt. Andrea, you know i wouldnt lie to you, and you know im not stupid...so beleive me...i AM happy. i love tony and he loves me. he doesnt do anything bad to me. that night i called you, i wasnt crying, i was pissed off. but tony would never hurt me. yea, he threatened too, but he never would, he didnt know what to do so he figured that would make me get up so we could talk, which is what we needed to do. tony and i had communication problems, which resulted in all our problems. but now we talk things out...we sit and work out our problems and things are great now. Ok, i am sooo happy right now and things are perfect....and i dont want them to get screwed up because of all this crap with you. But i dont think you should really be worried about me and tony, because things are great with us, i think you should be worried about me and you, because THAT is the relationship that is going down the drain right now because you cant believe me when i say im happy and things are great and because you hate tony for some reason. but its up to you to work things out. if you decide not to work things out, then always remember me, because ill always remember you.
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_iggy_

05-29-04 11:03pm

how can you say, "But unlike Andrea, I remember more about the little things." Those are the things that I tell everyone here so they know who my best friend is... so that they understand why i wont go out and do the things with them that i did with you.

And then you talk about alex... but when you were talking to alex him and i werent going out. he knows more than one andrea... so thats why he said the stuff that he said. kinda like when ppl used to ask me "arent you going out with ryan?" and i asked "ryan who?" its not that i didnt who he was. its just that ryan and i werent going out and i didnt know who they meant. He can do whatever the hell he wants when we arent going out and i wont get pissed off at him... unlike the ways tony did with you. And you did too say stuff about alex... so i dont know why are saying that you didnt. you hated him... but i agree that you never told me to break up with him. But i am sure you didnt say that to me cuz i never started saying the he called me names, and pulled romeo and juliet stunts, and would get mad when i hung out with friends of the opposite sex, or showed all them signs of and on coming abusive boyfriend that Ms. whatever he name was told us about... and we were actually gonna talk to her about it. Thats why you didnt tell me to break up with him.

If i didnt want to be friend anymore i would tell you, those were wasted tears. you know i wouldnt do that. If i had a new best friend i would tell you, those were also wasted tears. I wouldnt do that either unless something like this happened.

you are my best friend in the old town in the old school... but those memories arent old. the town and the school arent a part of me anymore cuz i dont live there. But the memories are more of a part of me as they were when i was there.

i didnt say that you called me up crying but you have came to me crying cuz of the things that tony has done. dont deny it dear... if he doesnt know the pain that he has inflicted in the past or recentsly, let him know now. Threatening you was a stupid way to let you know that he wanted to talk to you.. that was painful to you. not physically... but mentally. And this isnt getting screwed up with "all this crap with you"... me. You called me up telling me what he did to you... am i supposed to sit back and tell you unmeaningfull things? When you called and talked to me you obviously over exaggerated cuz what you told me is not what you wrote down in the last entry. you dont have to overly say things just to get concent that i care about you. And you are blaming me for the relationship going down the drain!!! you cant blame me... and thats why its going down the drain. its a mutual thing dear, but i guess you can see that. thats why its going down the drain. I know that you are happy, how many times have you told me? i just dont agree with the things that tony does. You know why i hate him... why are you saying "for some reason"? you gave me a reason to hate him. I didnt wake up and decide to. im not that shallow. You told me things that made me hate him... he sure in hell didnt say "i did this to erica and i said this to erica"... no, you did that for him by writting it in notes and email and phone. So think about this... it aint up to me to work things out. Its up to you to tell me stories the they really happen without making tony sound like the bad guy so that it can be up to me to not hate him and tell you that there is something better out there.

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EyesOfCrystal

Re:, 05-30-04 6:46pm

Wow, you always find some way to make me sound stupid or look like the bad guy (not saying that your the bad guy) The reason i said that "unlike andrea" thing is because i meant "unlike what andrea said in her journal" and this whole thing with alex....im not that dumb andrea, i realize he could have known many other andreas, but the point of all that was that he actually treated you like shit, you just either didnt know it, or find ways to deny it, just like now. that night at lazer skate...he told you he still loved you, and you were so happy because he told you he still loved you and you still loved him so you thought there might still be a chance, then you ended up going home early, and the second after you left, i found him hanging all over jessica reich and then him and her telling me they were making out, and then when i went up to alex and said "uhhh, hello, what about andrea!??!" he said "andrea who??" and i said "hmmm, the girl you are SUPPOSED to still be in love with" and he said " ohhh yea her, what about her?' then i got pissed and left the area, and when i was finally cooled off...Tony's little step sister comes runnning up to me crying because some ass is trying to feel her up and go under blanekts with her to make out (my blanket i might add) and i asked her to point him out, and she leads me right to alex.all in the same night. he was a bust boy that night, he had you, the girl he was in love with, but when you were gone, he had jessica to make out with becasue she has bigger boobs that you, and then when she wasnt around, he went for a poorp little girl but couldnt get her. he didnt give a shit about you then and he doesnt now. all he was ever hoping for was to get some, and he did, and now that he got it the first time, he things maybe if hes nice to you he can get it again. and i never said i didnt call him names behind his back, i did that a whole hell of a lot, i even said in my journal that i hate him.
I didnt say that you didnt want to be friends anymore or that you had a new best friend, i said thats how i feel. completly different....dear. And i dont deny that everytime tony did something stupid i called you...but i regret that, i should have called you once and a while when he did good things for me, which happens more often than the bad things. in fact, bad things done happen anymore. and the bad things that DID happen werent even that 'bad' people handle things in different ways andrea, tony happened to handle being scared and wanted to talk to me by threatening me with something that i knew, even at the time, wouldnt happen. im sorry that you hate him....those are wasted emotions. hating someone because of stuff that one person says.
So...your blaming me now for our friendship going down the drain...kind of hypocritical arent we?? telling me not to blame you and then you turn around and blame me and dont take any blame for it at all. i take blame for it. i blame myself for alot of our problems so dont start with me. ya know, im really sorry that you are so lazy to put all of this on my shoulders, I have to fix everything?? its all up to me?? you get to sit back and take it easy while i try to save our friendship?? thats bull. i never thought you would let my boyfriend come between us, and dont deny that your doing it, because none of this would be going on if you didnt over react about the things he does. and i wasnt over reacting the night i called you, i just didnt go into detail, that tends to confuse people.


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_iggy_

05-31-04 12:05am

you are so fucking confused!!!! WE WERENT GOING OUT WHEN ALL THAT SHIT HAPPENED!!! do i need to pound it into your head? And i cant find anyway in hell that you are bringing this up against me except for the fact that you are trying to pull the spot light from you to me. Im trying to find ways to deny it... i know what happened. did i care? do i care? no... cuz we werent going out. we lost our virginity to eachother... and who cares if he wants it again? thats the way ppl act. kinda like how tonys and your little thing was before i also flipped out on you. how come now you are saying that you did say shit behind his back... but in your first entry you denied saying 'horrible' things? and i know that you didnt say those things directly, thats why i layed it flat down for you.
and by the way... it wasnt a wasted emotion unless you are saying that it was a waste of time for me to care about a once best friend.
What the hell are you smoking??? hello... anyone there? i didnt blame you.. umm go back and read it again. i told you that it was a mutual thing... that there was no reason for you to blame me and put everything on my shoulders. I was in NO WAY blaming you... i was blaming both of us. So this aint bull. at least not from that point. Its bull that you are still blaming me. im not letting him get between us.... im letting your stories get between us. I didnt over react. If i called you up and told you all the things about my boyfriend that you have told to me about tony you would be acting the same way. and dont blame yourself for not going into detail. there was plenty of it... and it didnt confuse me at all.

sooo... since neither of us are really coming to a conclusion, since its a mutual thing, i guess that i will step up. since i am not moving out there anyways i guess we should end it. its not going anywhere. now you can blame me for pulling the plug... i wont deny it.

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