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| Upchuck (profile) wrote, on 5-29-2004 at 10:44am | |
| Current mood: still pissed off Music: "Whiskey Girl" Toby Keith Subject: When one little kiss means so little; the absence is a portend of things to come |
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| So I successfully accomplished my goal. I collapsed in my bed and cried myself to sleep. Unfortunately I wake up this morning expecting myself to feel a little better, but I'm still almost as pissed off as I have been for the past five days now. I find myself getting pissed for a myriad of reasons. Some have to do with her, some with others, and some with myself. Although, not normal for me, I really don't feel that down on myself. I mean there's always the obligatory, "What could I have done better?" But I'm not sure that that really applies in this situation. I should have been more aggressive. Perhaps, I don't know. Again, I lose because I can't relax and have fun. Story of my life huh? Why I can't do that is beyond me. In certain situations I can, but other times I can't and it really bugs me. Something to work on I guess. I need to work on partying. I've already said his name, so what the hell. Darren really pissed me off because of what was going on. It was very obvious to everyone that he liked her. It's very obvious she liked him. I don't have a problem with that, except for the fact he's a loser, he was all over her when we were still together, and she did nothing, absolutely nothing to stop it. I just wished she hadn't wasted this last week by not talking to me. I guess that's what I'm really the most pissed about. I had to wait almost a week for her to figure out what she was going to say to me when I knew what was coming. Almost a whole week of being so tired and pissed that I couldn't see straight. Usually when people go through something like this they swear off the opposite sex. Well I'm not. I think each situation is unique in it's own way. It's taken me a while to come to that conclusion. Sure I'm being pissed now and depressed, but unlike other times in my life I know it's all going to be okay. Eventually it will be okay. Nevermind that I've liked her for almost 6 months and something I'd been hoping for almost came true. There's go to be another meaning behind all of this and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it escape me this time. Last time, it took me almost two year to recover. Even now, I'm not completely. Not to say I'd be back together again, but it took me awhile and I think there will always be a place there for you. In some ways, and it is hard for even me to believe, she's more screwed up than you are/were. Not as an insult or anything. So I leave you now with a song title from Gilbert O'Sullivan "Alone Again, Naturally." |
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everyfallingday | 05-29-04 11:51pm Good entry. Good entry. Is it really growing? Or is it needlessly changing yourself? If something is true love then you wouldn't need to work on partying. Because partying is stupid. |