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| n01under5tand5 (profile) wrote, on 5-29-2004 at 11:07pm | |
| Do you ever get those feelings like something happened to you, but you don't know what and it completely changed you. No one seemed to notice the difference except you. You were broken torn from the outside in. You felt it was your fault and could not be forgiven.You hid the truth inside of you. You as though you were weak and it was your fault, but it wasn't your not to blame. You can't change the past or forget things of importance, but you can move on and make the best of things, and be strong. You can't help what you do or don't do for that matter you can only try. You can't make you self feel something you don't. You can't walk away although it may seem so easy.I waked away so many times before and behind me slamed each door until walls were built up around me. I'm afraid in here alone no one can reach me I feel nothing here but lonliness ugliness shame and frustration. All I ever asked for was for people to listen not like me, but listen just put yourself in my shoes for a day and live my life. You don't know what imprisonment is like until you hold yourself captive afraid of who you are. Afraid of what you have done. Your pieces of everyone you have ever met or thought about. I'm pieces of you because no matter what you say everyone contributes to who you become whether or not you realize it or except it. I wish people looked at me and saw the truth or maybe alittle bit of themselves I wish they could feel, feel it so I wouldn't have to try and express it theres no words to explain me or who I really am. You think you know understand or comprehend I'm not saying you can't I'm just saying theres so many who are unwilling to. John theres no need for you to leave a post to this I already no what you will say. You will say what I dont want to hear at least not from you cause I have heard it alot and already know how you feel and I'm happy you like me enough to make me happy that way but its ok this time I need someone else to agree with you. You will say I'm incredible and great you'll say I'm pretty and I know you'll mean it and thats wonderful, but this time I need to hear from someone anyone else, but its not even that. I need someone to care who never cared before to wake-up realize and have me touch a part of them so deeply it burned a hole and they remebered these words and it meant something to them it meant so much that although they may have hated me they wanted so much not to hate the more they read, and they gave me a chance talked to me and wanted to understand. I don't know maybe I'm one of the few who is actually good at that or maybe there are others who are good at it lots of them its just I'm not afraid to admitt I'm wrong, but I'm also not afraid to be right to speak up when others have something to say and they won'tsay it. I'm not afraid to tell people the truth and I'm not afraid anymore of being me. I'm not ashamed although I should be according to so many .I'm me, but I want someone to understand the truth in me someone new and someone true. i <3 u john i <3 everyone please leave a post if you give a damn if not than fuck the hell off i don't give a damn what you have to say cause it'll only break me down more & fuck with your conscience. |
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| Anonymous | ..., 05-30-04 12:50am Well you said to leave a post if you give a damn, and i do. But you know me all to well and you said exactly what i was going to say, that you are beautiful and smart and incredible. Yet you also said that you'd like to hear it from other people, and i am only one person, but all i can say is that your entry today did really make me think about people in general, and it really made me realize just how great you are and how selfish others can be. I know you dont want to hear any of this from me cuz you knew i was going to say it, but I had to post because i truley do give a damn! |