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| shiznit05 (profile) wrote, on 5-30-2004 at 10:19pm | |
| Current mood: im ok |
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| ok, ive neglected this thing for long enough, its probably time for one of those entries that i just ramble in... Pops concert went well, it was more fun than anything, normally by pops the band realizes that we dont care, so we just have fun with the performance, and headley doesnt care, so it was nice, thanx to everyone who came :) the week at school was fairly boring, we dont do anything, its all redundant and at times nerving because it gets frustrating, it was odd however, not going to track, at the end of the day it was like well...i can stick around in the G4 or go home...this sucks ive actually learned a lot in the past week though. ive learned that as hard as i try i cant please everyone. theres always someone out there that im going to piss off because i didnt think before i acted. but ive learned that i have to not care about it. if the person is going to get all hot and bothered because i neglected to do something or didnt follow through or just plain forgot then thats their problem. my only priority is making me happy and i havent done that in awhile, i let myself be too affected by other people that i just wasnt being me, as corny as it sounds, i dont give a shit i also learned that im stronger than what i thought. i can deal with things better than i thought i would. honesty the past two weeks have been hell on my self esteem. it seemed like everyone was out there to point my flaws out to me. doug had a problem with me so both he and carmen felt the need to point it out in their journals, adam and i had a fight where he pointed out some things, jackie got pissed off and called me some names, it was just hard to take in the time span of a few days. but thats when the realization of me not being able to please everyone came into play. im not saying that im going with the motto of fuck everyone or anything, but im just saying, if i piss you off its not completely intentional, im just learning that i have to put myself before others and thats not the way ive been living my life up until now, so its kind of a shock to everyone else...but i had this talk with hodges, and he made some sense of it...its about time i put myself first yesterday daron ian and i went to regionals, it was soo cool, there was so much talent there, i was in awe the entire time, we watched two girls break state records, and we saw some amazing shot putters...i talked to coach for a bit, he's got my goals lined up for me for the summer, we start that next monday...it should be interesting last night we went to nelsons, girls and guys seperated, much like a junior high dance, ive got my theories on why that was, but im not going to say anything, because ive also learned that my mouth gets me into trouble quite often. after that amanda sara and i went to see shrek 2...it was cute, it was quite good, but not as good as the first, just because the first was amazing, and the second just followed suit. today we edited, it went well, and tomorrow it should all be wrapped up, mainly because it has to be or we fail... i talked to megan last night on the phone...we've kinda decided that our "group" needs to take like a week off from each other. life has become so complicated, not only for me, but for everyone. i think if we were to just take a step back, take a little breather, and then reunite we would be ok, because we would understand why we all were friends in the first place. i hate to say it, but lately ive been looking at people and not understanding why we're friends...ive done it with the oddest people too...like megan, we dont really have a lot in common, but i love the girl to death. but really, how did we become friends, its odd...shes so peppy and im not. but it works...and ian...we all know how much i love that kid, but at the same time, i go through phases of not understanding him and not liking him at all...its like aunt elaines saying...1 boys a boy, 2 boys half a boy, and 3 boys is no boy at all. at times i'll be talking to him and i wont understand why i once considered him my best friend, and then other times its like i cant picture myself not being his friend...idk, its just odd how people can have so many sides to them, and its just hard when one time theyre amazing and the next time you see them they've made a 180 and you want to run away and cry as a result idk, my mind seems so full right now and i cant get anything out of it that really makes sense |
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Nef | 05-31-04 5:16pm I got lost several times while reading that..
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