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brownsugar (profile) wrote,
on 5-31-2004 at 10:50am
Subject: sometimes i feel..
sometimes i feel so friggen coldhearted, but in someways i can never open my heart up. it is so hard for me to love, truly love, and it is even harder at time for me to trust. I used to have all the trust in the world for people.. but I soon started closing down... slowly and gradually. and now I am just this coldhearted girl that wishes she wasn't. But i just can't seem to help myself. I never am able to help myself, becuase I never find myself looking out for myself. I always worry about others..and don't get much in return. I mean I'm not blaming anyone, sometimes i don't let myself let them help me. It's like I feel, u know what "i can do this by myself, i don't need any fucking help." and i always feel like this.

i feel as if I can do everything myself.. becuase i hate recieving help. I want to do everything for myself. I want to achieve... all by myself. that's why I feel so seperated sometimes.. because I want to be my own independent person. I don't want any friggen help.

allota times, people call me weird cuz it's so hard for me to conform at times, but yknow i enjoy being "weird" in a way. I love being called random, and for some weirdass reason, i like it when someone says "man ur weird" it give me self satisfaction that I'm not like everyone else, and i like that shit like anything.

ok. now i sound superiorly weird.

but the thing is, i feel if people don't like me the way i am.. then they shouldn't even bother to pretend to liek me. you know??

i seriously am the biggest idiot ever.
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HollishDanishM

05-31-04 4:24pm

-Tina,
Firstly, I'm sorry I have to make a life out of your on-line journal. I wish I had a life on my own, but I hope you understand.
I think everyone feels kind of like that, they like when people laugh and exclaim "wow, random". Like you said, everyone just wants to be their own unique person.
In contrast to you, I trust people right off the bat. I am very gullable, you can tell me anything. I swear one day, I'll get seriously screwed over. But that makes a person seem friendly, outgoing, open minded, almost too open. At first, people probably see you as something else; close-minded, aware, and maybe a little cold. I think you should just try to find a balance. You and I are the two extremes, if we combined our personalities- we'd be a perfect person.
Once again, another loser comment.
Love,
The Loser

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