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| sandatthebeach (profile) wrote, on 5-31-2004 at 7:22pm | |
| Current mood: crushed Subject: daddy played piano (well not my father) |
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| i don't like this. well the song's good....but taht's not what i was talking about. i'm so.....well...i guess like waht my mood says...crushed. i don't think anyone really understands what i'm talking about....except maybe a couple people....but otherwise....i feel very dissatisfied with everything. i don't like being in the background but i am most of the time. at kei's party on saturday...i felt so out of place. it was cool tlaking to patrice...i really liked that...and i know she understands what i'm talking about when i say that i felt out of place. the same people who were there.....were just...there. it's hard to explain...but i don't know if i was ever friends with them. more like...they were people i used to hang out with. if i were to be asked to count the number of friends i have....i probably would only need one hand to count. i don't feel like i'm wanted in this place....i just kinda want to leave. and i'm not gonna tell myself to shut up...because that's how i really feel. i wanna get out of this place. leave. meet new people...."find" myself. i know it sounds incredibly stupid....but that's exactly how i feel... i feel so let down. every where i turn...i come across disappointment. i'm sick of the daily gossip. i hate it. i don't want to have friends just to gossip...it gets old so quickly and so meaningless. yeah i find flaws in others and i critique them.....but who doesn't do just that? i'm my own worst critic and it's not cool. and i can't help but second guess everything people say to me. because what i hear is probably not what they're actually thinking of me. i just want someone to tell me "sandy, i don't like you when you do this...." "i hate you for this...." "i wish you would stop doing/saying this....." i want to hear these words...so badly....i want to hear them |
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barbedvelvet | 05-31-04 10:52pm sandy love, will you please stop being so damn pessimistic?
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