| Anonymous | More Things We Could Say To TJ, 06-06-04 4:07pm -May you be stung by a thousand angry scorpions, you festering boil on a whore's cunt.
-You knuckleheaded, brother-fondling, panty-slurping, toe jam-guzzling, boil-nibbling, fuck-brained dickweasel
-(This I wrote about the other TJ back in like March)Dear TJ,
I don't think that we are right for each other. I need someone who doesn't think that Picasso is a brand of pasta, TJ. I'd like to go on being with you, but I've reached my limit on yawning. You are about as uplifting as a fire in an orphanage. You're about as much fun as watching a troupe of chimpanzees vomiting over each other. Sex with you was so banal, I often had to slip myself a Rohypnol and half a Viagra just to sleep with you. Your mind is like concrete; thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. You're a person of few words: "Myself, Me and I." The best part of you ran down the crack of your mother's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. Nevertheless, you continue to show a great deal of promise, and maintain an unbroken record of broken promises. You always wanted to be somebody, but you should have been more specific. You are the Starship Enterprise of stupidity: going where no idiot has ever gone before. TJ, if you are thinking of replying to this letter, save your breath - you'll need it to inflate your next date. But you could try calling call me some day, so I can have the pleasure of hanging up on you. I'd like to say it's been fun knowing you, but neither of us believe that.
Yours celebratory,
Kelly
-(This was also about the other TJ, but the one I was most proud of. It took me like 5 hours to write it hahah... I was wicked mad and couldn't sleep)Dear TJ,
They say no one is irreplaceable. That, however, is total bullshit, as you are instantly replaceable, TJ. People as boring as you should really be quarantined. You are as welcome wherever you go as a rattlesnake at a square dance, and have a knack for making strangers immediately. Life with you was so dull that I even looked forward to dental appointments. The best thing I can say about sex with you is that it was mercifully brief. I suggest you commit yourself to a Psychiatric hospital before what is left of your sanity disappears, and you be left strapped upright in a chair; fed mushy peas (and other non-solids) with a rubber spoon in a darkened room, with only your tortured and erratic fantasies for comfort and occasional self-pleasuring. You continue to drift aimlessly in a sea of delusions and willful ignorance while desperately clinging to your over-active libido to give a false sense of buoyancy to your sinking mind. You should have treated me with more respect. Someday, it's going be my tax dollars paying for your gender reassignment treatment. Do yourself and your long-suffering parents a favor, draw a picture of a puckered anus around an electrical socket and stick your tongue into it. TJ, someday, you'll go too far; the further the better - and I hope you stay there. Lastly, rearrange these three words into a well-known phrase: yourself fuck go.
Adios Asshole,
Kelly
(reply to this) |
