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| moana (profile) wrote, on 6-11-2004 at 1:41pm | |
| Music: lacuna coil - tight rope Subject: LIFE! |
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| yesterday i had a doctor's thing. it was good good good. dosage check, blood levels steady, ticker stable... guess what you guys? i'm getting better! something medical, something scientific, something psychological later and the muscles have stopped their decline. i rock! hoo-hah! at this level i'm able to carry out the basic functions of LIFE, and it gets better: no more freaky meds, no more freaky dosage sessions, no more liquid crack, just EXCERCISE. i'm getting way ahead of myself but dude! this could all be true in less than a month! by july, i may be released for good, file closed, no more life-expectancy or anything. and dialysis? who needs it four times a year? once a year will cover me from now on. it's hard to get over. it's hard to get my head around. i've gone from a life expectancy of 3 years to a normal life expectancy of 65, giving me, considering i don't get tossed off a high place or anything, 49 years... whoa shit. it's unbelievable. when we left the hospital, my mother was crying in the car. i mean the happy kind. she's driving and crying, SOBBING, and i'm looking out the window thinking how life is unbelievable. i don't think you can imagine just what it was like. sarah msged me around then and told me to come by a7madi, she's having a get together. i ask my mom and she goes "yeah i have to go to the supermarket anyway." she hugs me nad kisses me and cries some more, we both cry, then drops me off. well the get together was more a party than anything. i hung out there for an hour, not smoking, keeping away from the booze, just staying clean and clear. rakan was there. rakan as in my first ever boyfriend who dumped me after 3 days on valentine's day rakan. mhmm. i hadn't seen him since then actually, which was like 3 years ago. i recognized him and smiled. he smiled back and waved. i thought that was it, but then he came over and started hitting on me. he flashed that grin. "hey, good-looking. how're you tonight? cuz you look fantastic." he sticks out his hand "i'm rakan by the way." at this point i laugh in his face. "so you don't remember me?" he's really nervous now and is trying to laugh it off. "no, should i? did we fool around when i was drunk?" "you're unbelievable" "thank you" "no i mean you're fucked up unbelievable." "oh" "yeah i'm fajer, remember? three years ago? dumped on valentine's day? kicked you in the balls for it?" "holy shit" "uh huh" "that was YOU?" "uh huh" "wow you... you changed." "uh huh" at around this time i wave and walk away. fun fun fun. my mother picked me up a short while later and we rode in the car. then i got home and was sick for a long time, as promised, from something in my drip dosage. happens once in a while, and it passed pretty quick. i just sat online and ozy talked to me and told me stories, and then laurence was there, also telling me stories, and it passed before i knew it. and here i am now. talking about my life. i can live my life. there's no timer. there's no countdown. i'll be fine. it's miraculous. i can't believe it. it wasn't even like "don't get excited, but there's a chance you'll live to see 20," it was more of "congratulations! you're gonna get old!". i spent pretty much the whole of last night and a lot of today crying and such, because... oh my God, exactly it, God, it couldn't have been anything else. God. God helped me, someway, somehow, by giving me what i wanted most: the time to do everything i wanted to do. i won't waste this. i'm going to take advantage. i'm going to spend it all in pursuing that goal, making the world that much better. i've been given a chance. i can't believe i have this chance. i'm still not done crying. all i can do is thank Gd for it day and night for the rest of my life. and it still wouldn't be enough. and i also have to thank all my friends. they were there. it's incredible. they're incredible. YOU GUYS, YOU WERE INCREDIBLE, YOURÉ STILL INCREDIBLE! i couldn't have done anything, i wouldn't have known anything, i didn't want anything, and then you guys... i'm gonna go pull myself together now. i love you all. | |
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metalhead | 06-11-04 3:15pm *hugs you and dances and throws you around the room with joy*
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| Anonymous | 06-12-04 3:14pm I LOVE YOU FAJEH WITH ALL MY ENTERNAL ORGAN THAT PUMPS BLOOD fOR ME!!! (@) ITS TINY AND SO ARE YOU YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!
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| Anonymous | 06-13-04 9:19am /just done eating up your phone credit. mhm. ;P
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