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jennapie (profile) wrote,
on 6-13-2004 at 8:53pm
I wish I was strong enough to stand up for myself and say what I really feel. I don't know why I can't though, maybe I'm too scared to be shut down and rejected, so I don't let myself feel, or let the other person know...that must be what it is. It's not soo bad I guess, I'm not that sad. Actually I am. I can't fool myself into thinking I don't care. I do. I guess it's the fact that I have always tried to be better than my sister, in one way or another, and then she goes and gets what I want and it is absolutly perfect, but I don't have that, and now she is achieving so many things at school, that I'm going to have to live up to, and my parents are going to be expecting from me. It doesn't matter anymore about NHS, she made the Dean's list, twice, and that is obviously so much better, even though she didn't even get into NHS, either did my dad, and he was really smart in school, I think I'm just trying to make myself feel better though.

These past few entries have been very depressing to me, sorry to those of you that actually read them.

Why the heck does he have to go to Illonois?
That is sooooo far away! I don't know what I will do! He said that we will hang out this summer though so that really helps, but then he won't be back for EIGHTEEN months!!! I would like someone older who just happens to be going away when I realize that I like him. That sucks, I can't ever have what I want.

If it was a perfect world, I don't think I would have of ever been single. EVER! It SUCKS!

ugh!!!ugh!!ugh!! That's what I think about a perfect world, it will never happen.

I always mess everything up with everyone.
Does everyone have this much trouble, or is it just me? Most likely it is just me or everyone else wouldn't have boyfriends.

Anyway this sucks!!! Fuck it all!!! I WISH I didn't care.
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.j.e.s.s.

06-13-04 10:05pm

i'm sorry jenna. i hope things get better.

i know what you mean about having to live up to your sister believe me. my sister got a full scholarship to college because she won this special thing and took some big ol test and got the scholarship but yeah.. i know what you mean


dont worry. things WILL get better. i love you!!! bye bye

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glitterkisses

06-13-04 10:54pm

Jenna all I can say is I love you, and things WILL get better. I promise you.

I never use to be able to stick up for myself until just a couple week, maybe a month or two ago. You're too nice for your own good. Sooner or later though, it'll pay off, and you'll be able to stick up for yourself. For me, it was when I stopped caring about little things. But that's just me, I cared about so much stuff that worried myself to death about. Not saying that's your case, because I really don't know.

I just want you to always know what a sweet joyful girl you are. You make so many people happy. You make me smile all the time. You're just so darn cute and fun to talk to or be around.

I just love you!

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