Add Memory | Add To Friends
KirbyDee (profile) wrote,
on 6-14-2004 at 2:09am
Current mood: confuzzled
Music: Hikari (aka Simple and Clean) preformed by Utada Hikaru from Kingdom Hearts OST
Subject: Life has confused me...
Things that don't make sense:
1) Why the hell they put up with me all those years. A- I was a bitch. B- They could have done sooo much better.

2) People don't trash me outright when I bitched at them, but when I start realizing the damage I've caused it's trash Dee time.

3) Why I care so much.

I'm not saying I don't deserve what I got, I deserve a hell of a lot worse. That doesn't mean I don't miss my old friends, doesn't mean that just because I'm suddenly forbidden to say anything. Whatever, I don't care. You hate me, go ahead hate me. Replace hate with whatever you feel towards me, it doesn't matter. I can't change the past, apparently no one besides me wants to change the present and without changing the present I can not change my future. So why try? I'm really not seeing why it's such a bad thing that I feel guilty, that I miss Molly and Louise though
Post A Comment
Anonymous

Hate, 06-14-04 2:45pm

Nobody truly HATES you Deanna. And we "put up" with you because you were our friend and we figured you'd just grow out of it. We don't hate you. Just so you know, neither Molly nor I hate anyone because we're not like that.

(reply to this)

QueenWog

Re: Hate, 06-14-04 3:48pm

I'm going to follow up Louise because I cannot leave you like this. I am really upset with you Deanna. I understand things are not easy for you right now, but there has to be a limit. You are better than this. Or at least, I believe you are.
To address the first thing you are confused about, we “put up” with you for all those years because we were friends. Maybe we could have done better, but what I thought we had was friendship. I never “trashed” you outright because of that friendship. I don’t know about you, but I don’t trash people I care about. Personally, I make a point not to trash even those people I do not care for. The reason we are not friends anymore is that I really could not stand you hurting me anymore. I do not think that anyone is trashing you right now. All we are doing is moving on. Yes, we said that Carmel was our tradition, but you cannot expect us to carry that into a time where we are no longer friends. It is just not fair.
To remind you, we stopped being friends toward the beginning of the school year. You had recently called Nicole a racist bitch and when I stepped up to defend her, you got upset with me. Then you conveyed your anger to Louise, calling me all manner of things, and Louise, being the friend she is, got angry. She defended me. Regardless, that was what ended our relationship.
WE were never good enough for YOU. Our relationship had to end. You really need to move on, but of course you are allowed to miss us. We were part of each other’s lives for years. But it is over. You need to know that Louise and I have and will continue to move on. And, I am going to speak for myself in saying that I do not truly hate anyone. Hate is an ugly thing that I refuse to reduce myself to. Maybe you would have known that about me if you had taken the time to get to know me at all.
I won’t lie to you, I wish that all the negative things between us had never happened. But our time to be friends is over. I am sorry if we are causing you pain, but you should know that Louise and I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally. I am happy to remind you of that whenever you need it. My hope for you is that you continue to live your life and try to live it well. That is all that any of us can do.
I am really sorry all of this had to happen. All I am asking of you now is to consider all the things I have said and please just try to understand.

(reply to comment)