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chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote,
on 6-21-2004 at 2:38pm
Subject: fathers day...
Yesterday sucked really bad. In the morning my mom felt the lump on my dogs shoulder. She had it removed sometime late last year or in the beginning of this year. It has started to grow back and my mom said that if it starts to affect her walking again we will have to put her to sleep. I really dont want her to die. Shes got a lot of life left in her.

My sister. This time its Monica. She called yesterday morning with her cheery "HELLO!" and I said "hi." Then I cut her off in the middle of another excuse and said "Monica, you disgust me" then she said rather disgusted "I disgust you?" and i said "Yes, I hope you know that dad was crying yesterday because you're not coming to dinner on fathers day." then she lied. "He never invited me to dinner, Marilyn" then I said "YES HE DID! I was sitting right there I heard him. You better talk to someone else right now cause I'm really mad." Then I gave the phone to my other sister who was listening. Monica is a bitch. She has not come to dinner since......I don't even remember. On all the holidays she visits for an hour and then leaves. We might as well not be related. I don't feel like her sister and if she died I highly doubt I'd cry too much. I'm going to tell her to not bother giving me the present she has planned for my graduation/birthday/confirmation. I really do love her but sometimes I wonder if she loves us. She treats her own family like shit. She adores James' family. I think he has brainwashed her. Mary keeps hoping that they will have kids but even if they do James probably won't allow her to show the baby to us. I bet the first time I'll see it is when it is a few months old.

In effort to make my dad feel better we were at target trying to find a movie or c.d or book..anything that he would like. I came across this book called "Why a daughter needs a dad" When I got home I gave the book to him and hugged him. He started to read it and he nearly started to cry again. (Lately my dad has been more emotional because of medication hes taking to help him quit smoking) The rest of the day we watched the Giants vs. Boston game and being the kiss up that I sometimes am I sat next to him on the couch and he gave me a hug. If only I could have been Monica.

That night I was watching Cider House Rules. That movie is so depressing. I cried within the first 10 minutes then several other times. I was flipping between that and a silent film from 1930. It was really scary because they guy looked like his eyes were just white. Also in the movie there was this woman who was naked and she was running around her room and flopping herself on the bed. Then it showed that she was saying "O! Basil. Where is my Basil" (Basil is someone that got killed) Luckily they only showed her top half. If you think that it is nasty that I watched that scene then would like to remind you that I could easily say the same the next time you look at the classic work of a famous artist who painted nude people. The movie was art.

Anyway..I decided to go to bed at 11:00ish because I heard my dad call the dogs so I thought he was going to go to bed soon as well. When I got into my bed I started to worry about Sheva and then I ended up crying for close to half an hour. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Mr. Vanes death and I stupidly reminded myself of that. I thought about that time he got mad at me for getting the detention and then I "told" him that I didn't get any this year and that it was because I didn't want to dissapoint him. It was true. When I think of him I am always reminded of Aunt Marie and then that always reminds me of Grandpa Coyote. So it was a long chain of memories causing my eyes to remain tearful for a long time. I thought I was over their deaths....

Bye
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LoupGarou

06-21-04 8:42pm

Good job on telling off your sister Marilyn! Woot haha! *ahem* I agree she should come to dinner more often and spend more time with her family. It's sad really.

I've never seen Cider House Rules. What's it about?

That's right, tomorrow is the anniversary, huh? I remember I was on a trip, and it was only after that I had received the email. It was a sad time indeed.

I think that we have gotten over the deaths of our family members and friends, but when we think about it, it still hurts. In reality, as long as we can just go on with our dumb every day lives without worrying about it too much, we can consider it "getting over the death". Unlike my Aunt Ceal. She hasn't gotten over it yet, and it's been, what, three years? She let's her sadness get in the way of family time and vacations. The littlest things remind her of Nick and make her sad, and yet she also enjoys places that Nick spent a lot of time in places that do remind her of him. I asked her once, why she didn't try to move on, and she said that she's afraid it will be like forgetting him, which I think is one of the most ignorant things you can believe when it comes to somebody's death. Understandable, but ignorant. We know she can't ever forget him, and she knows that we can never forget him, but we don't let it interfere with everything that we do.
I don't know. But I do remember one thing she told me once.

She said one morning she woke up to some noise, the sounds of birds. She looked outside to see in the tree where Nick had built his tree house were crows. Over fifty crows, she said, so that the tree was almost black. She was scared. Said she had always been told that crows were bad.

That same day at her house I was on her computer and we were looking up animals and symbolysm. I found crow, and believe it or not, it said that crows were a sign to move on.

That was fascinating indeed. *nodnod*

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LoupGarou

06-21-04 8:44pm

***The same day she had told me

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LoupGarou

The Knight's who say..., 06-23-04 8:10pm

NI!

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