| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| Upchuck (profile) wrote, on 6-28-2004 at 11:34am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: "Raining in Baltimore" - Counting Crows Subject: Love, Self-loathing, and self-hatred |
|
| Many of you may wonder how I keep myself going. How exactly does he keep himself so busy? How exactly could he care about the things he cares about? Well, simply stated, it's because I hate myself. I hate what I am, what I will become, and the things I do. That's me, that's how I keep going. Of course if you do a little investigation you'll see that it is a pattern going back for the entrie existence of this journal. In fact it goes back to the time when I was four years old and I was mad at myself because I could not read a chapter book. That's the earliest memory I have of hatred of myself. And last night I was just waiting to get away from her so I didn't lose it. I didn't want to lose it in front of her. I just kept telling myself that I just had to make it home. Then I could let loose and really bash myself. That's all I had to do. But thank God for her. Thank God that I can talk to her. Thank God for the peace of mind that I had to be able to talk about it without losing myself. And Thank God that she loves me, even when I don't think I love myself. | |
| Post A Comment |
|
Brianna | 06-29-04 4:54pm Sometimes loving yourself is the hardest thing in the world to do. |