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| mizu87 (profile) wrote, on 7-8-2004 at 12:44pm | |
| Current mood: fine Music: Rasmus- Guilty Subject: buda |
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| I got an e-mail from Luis! I couldn't believe it ^^ aww he is so cute XD he put for the subject 'Bro?' Anyway this is what it said: Hi, is. (sis I guess he meant) Sorry I haven't communicated you at all. I was shipped to Puerto Rico for a month. me being stupid I called your house while you where on the computer. I might be going to zachs this weekend. Call you tomorrow! Love, little bro There we go ain't he cute? Yea but anyway it's weird so I guess he still see's me as his sis well.. ::shrugs:: yea.. now.. what.. made me mad.. was... ... I was falling asleep.. and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay up so at 12 I set my alarm for 1:01 knowing I'd get up to the phone before he called. Dad was on the computer at the time and I did fall asleep and when I woke up... he was still on the computer! Wide awake playing pool! I was like Damnit.. 'dad you getting off soon?' but yea.. he always gets off for me but.. lately you know.. but yea.. .. I went back to my room and set the clock for 1:25 and woke up at 1:25 and dad was off and I got the phone and dad said no one called.. so yea.. lol so I went to my room and was awake -.-' I was laying in bed watching the animaniacs because brook had said 'hellllloooo nurse!' and yea.. so I watched some of it then some of daria and some music videos.. and 2 o'clock rolled by with out me noticeing.. and.. I waited.. 10 minutes.. 14 minutes.. and then I was like 'fuck I ain't waitin no more' and star 69nd whatever, thinking he might of called while dad was on.. and nothing.. it didn't work so I said if he was gonna keep me up then I'd call him and wake who ever up so i called his house and let it ring for half a ring and hung up and.. waited.. a minute later the phone rang and it was him.. making pop corn ._. .. -_- .. and he was drunk.. pretty messed up.. ... and he said.. sorry.. sorry.. and I was just.. mad.. and.. he was messed up.. .. he said he could bearly stand and I asked him how he got home and he said he drove.. he said he was home alone and.. that he might pass out on me again.. .. I asked him 'so you said once you got drunk you would remember the reason why I went to you that day, so why was it?' and he said 'I dont' know just tell me' and I asked him why he thought and he said 'to see me.. to talk' and I said 'talk about what' and he said 'about us' and I laughed and said 'we didn't do alot of talking now did we?' and he said 'nope' with a chuckle and.. damn we never talk when we are together in person lol damn.. .. But.. man.. in 5 minutes .. he was asleep.. and I found myself listening to him breathing again.. for a long long time.. I almost feel asleep with the phone.. .. I just.. want to fall asleep next to him.. have him fall asleep next to me.. .. .. but.. yea.. I don't now.. it's hard.. .. he was at Vernens so atleast he wasn't at a party.. .. but .. yea.. He also told me he never carried weapons on him.. then on the phone yesterday he said while he was getting ready that he grabed his knife.. saying that.. on the 4th there was a story that he didnt' tell me.. that.. he got into a fight and someone pulled at gun on him.. so.. damn.. .. .. I can't help but worrie about him.. .. but.. I think I already love him as a friend.. and as I say goodbye on the phone.. it's habbit for me to say I love you.. (parents) and.. .. its' just hard holding it back.. and if it ever slipped.. .. .. ... ____________ 6:02 Well, I called the little ass at 3 since he didn't call me and it turns out that he couldn't remember calling me and he was really tired.. so we didn't talk like at all for an hour.. .. he was supposed to go to the doctors this morning for his teeth but he was so hung over he didn't wake up.. so I asked 'did you call the hospital?' and hes' like 'yea' and I'm like 'well?' and he's like 'damn.. well they told me to call later today or tomorrow to reschedule' .. and.. he got.. mad at me for asking so much.. I guess it was because he was tired..but.. for the first time.. the very first time I've talked to him.. I just felt like.. I was on the outside.. just like with all my other boyfriends .. .. just felt like.. I had to impress them.. you know? Like.. I didn't have a right to ask that.. that if he wants to tell them he will that I was lower and shouldn't pry.. with him.. with Brook I've never felt like I was asking too much.. never.. .. but. just.. I don't know.. when He did talk .. it was him just saying he was tired.. and.. then.. after like an hour.. he said he was gonna take a nap and he'd call me whenever he woke up.. .. I'm sure he won't.. I don't .. know.. just.. during that.. phone call .. I just.. felt.. like.. this was the reason I didn't want to do this.. I.. just.. want to get out.. I'm scared.. I guess.. just a fucking chicken.. but.. I dont' need any of this.. I know I dont'.. it's just a lust.. I've never said that with Brook.. but I guess it's just a lust.. trying to be important to someone.. my own selfishness.. it's me.. i'm the bad? I dont' know.. .. we are supposed to be going fishign tonight.. I said brook worked early in the morning and couldn't go.. but truth is.. i'm sure he doesn't want to.. he's too tired.. messed up.. ... _______________ 10:59 Well, heard nothing from Brook.. we went fishing and there was longhorn in our spot so we went around the other end to where I caught JimJim and .. Mom got tangled and was fixing her pole and dad was over there fishing her spot because she had a big bite and the longhorn came right near us and I was fishing and caught one and named it boi.. for Brook.. chabon ya'know.. yea.. and the hook was right in the middle of its bottem lip and it was just a baby fish.. yea.. but i put it back and then it started to darken and I brought my lighter with me and we saw some elk in the lake far on the other end and the cows were still around us and I started to try and make a fire. Damn I can't make a fire to save my life. But yea.. it was fun.. I was messing around with my lighter for a long time and burnt a stick and wrote the symbol for water on a rock with the ashes.. yea.. mizu.. .. but yea.. we left after mom got it unmessed up because dad was out of breath and tired and mom was pissed and blah blah bitching the whole ride home and I'm tired of having to sit right fucking next to him. My father reeks, never showers.. it's been like 2 days from his last shower.. he gets out of breath but still take a bath atleast fuck and his mouth.. his medication is making his teeth dead and when he opens his mouth fucking flies drop it's such a sour nasty smell god I just really can't stand my father anymore. Mom said he'll never treat me the same, that it's just the way he is. What a fucking bastard. He had a fucked up childhood though but still .. dad said the only reason why I'm still here is because I'm not 18 yet and that my brother needs to be kicked out of the house since he is 20 and the computer woudl'nt work for my dad so he shut it down and came to me and said 'you can get on it now it's broke' and was pissed and he doesn't know shit about computers and blames every little thing that goes wrong on me or my brother and i turned the damn thing on and it's working fine for me dumb fucking ass god.. I really argh want to call Ashley and have her come get me.. ah.. .. Brook.. damn.. I really don't fucking know.. I mean.. I really .. really don't.. ... ah.. I want out of this place.. where I'll live I don't know.. i just need a car.. a fucking car.. how will i get one? I won't.. Brook says he'll be getting his drivers license soon him and creg and they are both buying cars.. .. .. ... brook says creg even has some goldbars that he bought.. how true this shit is i have no clue.. it's hard to believe.. but then I want to.. but then it's just stupid .. and.. fuck.. .. I just want to go to work tomorrow and make money.. smile and not drop, spill, or forget anything.. damn.. ... |
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| Anonymous | 07-10-04 10:24pm You write too much you know that? Interesting read though, since I haven't read forever. Nothing much has changed it seems, other than the fact that your Dad has turned into a smelly old bastard. When you do get a car and feel like leaving why don't you pay a visit to good old PA? I'll be waiting... |
mizu87 | Re:, 07-11-04 12:54am A bit creep yet comforting.. thanks Jahreee ^^
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