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| brokenmentality (profile) wrote, on 7-15-2004 at 10:08am | |
| so yesterday i was so incredibly pissed, and i spent like 45 minutes updating my stupid journal and went i clicked update there was an error or something er other and i lost it... i periodically copied it at one point... and this is all i could recover....... maybe it'll show you how frustrated life makes me.... lets recap what i was supposed to do today... i was supposed to work. i was supposed to go to craigs cruisers with my youth group. thats it, thats all i had going for me today. thats why i had to tell cindy that i couldnt work, thats why i made NO other fucking plans tonight. thats why i couldnt hang out with jess hazen... where am i though? what am i doing.. im on the damn computer, doing absolutely nothing. why? because my moms insane and unfair and so stupid.. and gahhh, im just so upset i feel like crying.. and i just dont care what any of you think... i hate my life. i work my ass off 7 days a fucking week, i NEVER have a break.. EVER. i get my paycheck, i put them in the bank.. or i spend it on fucking gas.. because this fucking explorer goes through 10 dollars a day and the only fucking place i go is work and back. the social aspect of my life doesnt even exist anymore. im emotionally and physically drained by the end of every day.. i havent been to the mall ONCE this summer. not once, i havent been to the beach since that day i went with my friends, and that was a lake in greenville.. hardly counts. i havent bought any clothes with ANY of the money i've been working "SO" hard for... no.. it goes in the bank so i can buy MYSELF a car. thats right.. i dont have a parent to buy me one.. i dont have some rich grandparents to suprise me... i provide for my fucking self.. and my mom wont even help me. she wont help me with gas, and ANYTHING i want to do i have to pay for. if i want to go to the movies, i have to pay for it. if i want to buy a movie, i pay for it. ice cream? i pay for it. kings island.. I'M paying for it.. there goes 150 right there. and school clothes.. i have to pay for those too.. and if i have to take money out of the bank for everything else, im not NOT buying school clothes, so i guess im just gonna have to take it ALL out and when i get the "dont you want a car" lecture i'll be like fuck yeah.. but i also NEED gas, and i also LIKE having fun some of the time instead of just working everyday.. call me crazy for spending money at the movies.... WHY WONT YOU FUCKING HELP ME..... ____________________________________ and that was all that i could save.. and so my mom and i were all fighting and frigid and not getting along. and when she came home i was talking to becky and shes like.. if all you're gonna do is talk on the phone then go downstairs.. you dont even spend any time with shelby anymore... so i start to go downstairs... "its nice that the only person you give a damn about is becky" i saw yeeppp "the ONLY person you EVER spend time with" i slam the basement door. first of all.. why would i want to spend time with my bratty little sister, and why would i want to talk to her when she's being such a bitch.... honestly... people are so fuckin crazy! becky.. i cant even begin to tell you how much i love you and how much i appreciate you being my best friend.. WHAT would we do without eachother? we NEVER would have come across johnny!! *gasps.. thats just terrible! you're the only person who doesnt make me feel like im not good enough, or that i should be a better christian, or listen to a certain kind of music. and you've never told me that i should or shouldnt say or do certain things.... (*I'LL SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO SAY*) we both know what im talking about... and it just enrages me.... gahhhhh. i love you rouxi! i have to work again today... wooo. i have to take money out of the bank. i have to clean my room.... well.. brandis room. i have to start packing for kingsisland.. i have to do EVERYTHING... GAHHHHHH.... at least i get out early today. it was nice talking to you, i knew you couldnt stay mad at me for that long... how good am i.... i was sooooo right. we were able to put things aside yesterday and you made me feel better when i wasnt feeling that great. i knew that you cared... and i'll be damned if something stupid causes us to hate eachother. ok....... enough ramblings. |
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beckaboo | 07-15-04 11:53am Awww.. I love you, too. ANd you know even though my mom is nuts and my dad is pretty much Hilter without the stupid mustache you can come and stay at either house whenever you want to! And I'm SO glad you're my best friend.. and I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
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glitterkisses | 07-16-04 1:28pm Erika, I'm sorry we couldn't hang out:(
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