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| aushpog (profile) wrote, on 8-2-2004 at 11:09am | |
| Current mood: hurried Music: [=] i aM y0URs + jAS0n M0RaNt Subject: WAY TOO MUCH GOING ON |
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| the subject is pretty self-explanatory. i don't even know what i want to talk about. camp ... whoa. this is why i don't like journals - i hate putting words to things that can't be described. i hate having to describe something that can't be described in less than five BILLION words. i just grew so much ... and i learned so much. i realized that some of my ways of thinking were wrong. god really straightened me out. and i'm actually getting better with the whole boldness situation, thanks to my buddy jesus. but after camp i realized how much i believe what i read and hear - i read the purpose-driven life like it was the BIBLE. and some of the things in it weren't entirely correct! for instance, in PDL it talks about worship being a lifestyle. jeremy (our speaker, he's incredible and passionate - he's like a good friend) was talking about his research into christian pop culture, and how everyone says that worship is a lifestyle - mow your lawn for god. pick up a piece of trash for god. wee, it makes him happy! sure, it makes him happy. but he doesn't say wow. did you know that worship in the bible is referred to THREE times as a lifestyle? but did you know that worship is connected with physically bowing down before god ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-EIGHT times? yeah. gotcha on that one, huh? i had absorbed the words of a simple book, but had not done my biblical research. i assumed that, if rick warren gave me one bible verse that backed up his words, then it was all justified. sheesh, i feel so stupid. worship was so ... beautiful, you know? jeremy gave us a talk about living the words that you sing in worship - if you say, "bow down," you show you mean it by, well, bowing down. if you don't mean those words that you say (and i'm not saying you're a hypocrite if you don't do what the words say), and they're halfhearted, that is what using the lord's name in vain means. camp was the first time i've ever physically bowed down before god in worship in public. god's helping me conquer my cowardice - i'm working up to boldness one step at a time, thanks to christ. in those songs i sang, and i felt like crap after singing them, it was because i just sang the words, just sang a meaningless song. so i have a question for you (bryan asked our group this) - when you're singing during worship, do you feel like you're just singing a song or do you feel like you mean it? gosh, it was so beautiful - after jeremy talked about the bowing down thing, and meaning what you sing, jason and the band did "here i am to worship." when the part "here i am to bow down" came, i just watched people drop to their knees - not out of obedience to what jeremy said (aka, "hey look you guys, i'm doing what jeremy said to do!"), but out of love and honor to god (aka, "god, you're WORTH it."). much more to say, i'll update again later. true love in christ the father, au†umn "what is this place i've found this sacred ground where you and i will run? oh that i'd never leave from here. and with every second spent the world around me seems to fall away and with it all concerns and fears. so i'm thanking you now for showing me how to love you for showing me how to find myself in you so here's my song and i am yours i am yours what is this grace i've found that brings to light the deepest parts of me and yet it's this grace that pulls me through and with every glance from you that comes my way i'm feeling more alive so i'm gonna keep my eyes on you so i'm thanking you now for showing me how to love you for showing me how to lose myself in you o here's my song." |
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Upchuck | 08-04-04 10:44am I've never quite thought of it as needing the boldness to do the things you describe. But I do understand the feeling. The strangness that comes with the feeling of worship. You just have to remember that you are not there to be judged by people, but by God. There usually aren't to many people looking around seeing who is and isn't doing things. They are wrapped in worship too. Do what you do and what the spirit leads you to do in worship. |
aushpog | Re:, 08-04-04 8:31pm i guess my boldness issue was being afraid of being judged, as you mentioned. after that my mind was definitely set on god looking on me - not my peers. you are definitely right in saying that we are here to be judged by god, focusing on worshipping god and not other people's worship.
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