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| TaoMan1121 (profile) wrote, on 8-3-2004 at 10:51pm | |
| Current mood: afraid Music: Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have Subject: i'm down to just one thing/and i'm starting to scare myself... |
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| Beyond the hissy fits and up and downs and the stress and the bad luck and everything that I feel, everything that has become my new existence... where I've ended up, where I'm at right now, scares the hell out of me. It's a cold, empty feeling that originates not from inside, but from the world around me. I feel like I'm living in a vacuum. Things will get better, but I'm not up for waiting around until they do, and every one of my plans to change it have either been labeled (or I'm afraid will be labeled) as rash and impulsive. Well, here's a news flash; I've never been rash and impulsive, so why don't you all let me make my own mistakes and let me live with the consequences. You're all looking out for my best interest, and I love you for that, but you are holding me back in the process. "I'm gonna make a mistake, I'm gonna do it on purpose." Fiona Apple, "Mistake" But I mean, for pete's sake, when every decision is pain-stakingly thought-out, when I can't tell one of the people I love most on this earth what I'm truly thinking because I have to protect them (not to mention myself)... what do you expect me to do expect to lash out and throw myself in the deep end? Save your advice (i.e. DON'T respond to this journal entry), because I know every thought you're concocting right now. "Jason, the world seems empty because you feel empty." "Jason, love yourself first and the rest will follow." "Jason, blah blah blah." I know these phrases because I've lived by them for as long as I can remember... and when those same beautiful Hallmark sentiments fail me so completely and lead me to this pitiful state of mind... well, sir, that's when I give up and adopt a new approach. Adapt and survive, that's what you want me to do, isn't it? I could apologize for being so brash, so poisonous with my words tonight, but this thing is my damn outlet... and I'm just so goddamn sick of living to please... and left feeling so empty. |
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mbenznut | 08-04-04 3:45am Since you don't want traditional advice, fuck off you silly bastard. :-) |
Fanelia | 08-05-04 12:07am I offically suck at giving advice and cheering people up. I'm very talented at saying, 'Shut the fuck up,' however. In this case, I don't feel the urge to give you life-changing advice and great sayings to live by... I just feel the urge to tell you to... well... shut the fuck up. I guess that's tough love or something... don't take it the wrong way.
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TaoMan1121 | Re:, 08-05-04 11:03am Genuine smiles? From me... with you? A lot, because you're usually causing them... ;-) |
Fanelia | Re: Re:, 08-07-04 1:18am :-) I aim to please |