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| Upchuck (profile) wrote, on 8-5-2004 at 6:30pm | |
| Current mood: discontent Music: "Bad Company" Bad Company Subject: Contentment; things get in the way when feelings that should be on the surface are not |
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| I feel it again. That dissettling feeling (is that even a word?) that there is something we need to talk about. To be sure there are things that I want to say, but I won't say them. Mostly, not out of fear for losing her, but for fear of myself. The way I feel about those things leads me to be very passionate. I really cannot tell if I'm being paranoid or not. There are little, subtle signs that I'm not sure I'm reading correctly. Little signs, some of them I cannot even interpret correctly. One inparticular plays on an insecurity of mine that has me flying back to the days where I believe that I am not good enough for anyone. Besides, I cannot tell if this is intentional, if it's me being paranoid, or if it's just an unspoken problem that niether of us is willing, or able to talk about. If I seem whiny, it's because I am. This schedule has taken a real toll on me. I'm going non-stop, practically for a week now. There is nothing that I would like right now than to just forget about the world, ofrget about everything. Screw it all. I can't wait to get back to school. Everything will be better then. I'll feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. I don't know if this is me losing control again. I don't know if this is me hitting my adult mood cycle. I really don't know about anything anymore. All i know is that she came over today, and it didn't cheer me up. It didn't even come close. Not that I want to be dependent on her for that, but I'm too tired, too emotional barren and distracted right now. Plus I have to go to work and start my 4-day 30 hour work experience. |
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jessa_lynne | 08-07-04 1:58am unsettling is a word. |