Add Memory | Add To Friends
Kwonderman (profile) wrote,
on 8-11-2004 at 2:26am
Current mood: confused
Music: gave up on music
You ever get that feeling, like somebody's stepping on your stomach? It's not an indigestion thing, and it's not an illness thing. It's deeper than that. It's not a sharp pain, and it doesn't vary in intensity. It's just this dull ache that has no physical reason for being there and won't go away. You can know how or why it begins, but you never know how it's going to end.

You can be thinking about everything, or you can be thinking about nothing at all. You can be home listening to music or out trying to have fun with friends. The feeling is still there. It gets harder to laugh, to smile, to perform even the basic tasks required to live, such as eating and breathing. And when you hope nobody is looking, you show it in your face, because you can't possibly hide it all the time.

You wake up, and somehow, before you're even aware of why there would ever be a rock in the pit of your stomach, your old friend is back. You ache, and you sigh, and finally you remember at least a little bit of the something or someone that you continually torture yourself over. And you wonder if it's ever going to stop, and if today will be better, and if there's some way you can just go back to sleep for a while. But it's hard enough to fall asleep at all, let alone during the daytime. So you face the day, you get through it, you hope not too many people notice, you hope you can get to sleep, because everything else sure as hell doesn't help.
Post A Comment

Toki

08-11-04 11:24am

I know what you mean. The whole stomach and not being able to hide it. And just alot of what you said.

I know it's not exactly the same and I know that this probably won't help much, but I understand. Or atleast semi-understand.

This entry probably wasn't meant to be commented on, but I'm doing it anyways. Why? Because you're the Pants. And I'm the Butt.

I want to tell you and everyone else not to worry about things. But as we all know, saying it'll be ok doesn't really help. But I'll give it a shot.

Don't worry. Don't think about it. Eventually things will get better.

Until that comes, if you need to talk or anything, give me a call. Or just be online at 2:30 in the morning.

So many hugs over to Mr. Pants.

Ending this long comment on the entry that will probably, even though I don't mind because I do the same thing, be deleted.

Good bye.

Have fun, ok? You deserve it.

-Patrice




(reply to this)

Anonymous

Re:, 08-11-04 7:48pm

I went through a long...too long...of a period of time with a "stomachache." After learning the hard way, I've come to realize that, well frankly, worrying about it, desponding over it, wishing to evoke pity from either myself or others, dreaming of the sympathy of others, isn't going to do anything, let alone improve the situation. this is not directed to you, it is a comment to your entry.
with "stomachaches" pessimism just doesn't kick it. suck it up and live it out. because you're not as bad off as you want to be.
-me-

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re:, 08-12-04 11:01am

You can't just tell someone that. That they're not as bad off as they think. Do you honestly think that people would feel that way if they didn't feel justified for it? Why else would they feel that way? You reached that point. Good job. Sucking it up and living it out doesn't help. Don't you think people have tried it? Don't you think they've tried that before resorting to journal entries about how they can't do it anymore?

It may be honesty. But it just may not be reality for some people.

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re:, 08-12-04 12:15pm

I really don’t think that it is fair to say, “suck it up and live it out. Because you're not as bad off as you want to be”
Not as bad off as you want to be? Why would you say that?
I understand exactly what he is talking about and it really isn’t that easy to just "suck it up and live it out”. You can't just ignore these "Stomachaches”. And when you have been dealing with them for so long, sometimes it will show on your face, or you will write about it in a journal, or you will look and feel horribly lonely when surrounded by people, not because you are "Wishing to evoke pity", but because you are wishing to find some way for them to go away. “Sucking it up” may have worked with you… but it might not cut it for others.


(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re:, 08-12-04 2:40pm

of course sucking it up just doesn't work for everyone. that comment was most definitely not directed toward the general public. it was an expression of myself. of course sucking it up doesn't successfully solve the problem, for people who can and can't alike. I myself know that. Do not attack me for commenting without a target.

(reply to comment)