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| babaloo181 (profile) wrote, on 8-28-2004 at 3:07pm | |
| Current mood: reminiscent Music: goodbye, goodnight by mae Subject: ever feel like the "crime" felt so right that, despite the punishment, it was worth it all...... |
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| well last nite was officially one of the best days i've had in a while ... well until i got to my house that is.. hehe. i finally got to see my baby! .. i haven't seen him in like a week and ... well it's safe to say i've been absolutely miserable without him. his dad told him that he has to go to military school..so he ran away...and even i dont know where he is cuz he refuses to tell me. he doesn't want me to feel like i have to lie if i get questioned by like his parents or something. but school...and well life itself has just been so depressing and pointless. Everywhere i look... it's like ...we held hands there...and we kissed over here... and he would walk me to my class through here... and he hugged me by that tree... and it's just like everywhere i look im reminded of him and how much i wish he was still here. and lunch.... oh how dreadful it has become.. everyday i would wait... all day... just counting the minutes till lunch arrived cuz i knew that would be 45 minutes of uninterrupted time with my baby... but now.. it's just 45 minutes of absolute misery.... i look around and i see all these couples who get to spend time with each other and are all lovey dovey and it makes me want to just like .. cry. cuz i know that for the rest of high school... im not gonna get to do that wit the one person i wish i could the most...in the past few days i find i have been on the verge of tears more times than not... it's like nothing matters to me anymore ... hw... it can go to hell ... cuz honestly ... when i know that the person i care about mite not even have somewhere to live... somehow hw doesn't seem all that important to me.... what my parents say... they can go fuck themselves..cuz the ydont know what im goin thru rite now.. and even worse what HE'S going through rite now... no one understands... they dont know how hard it is to know that i mite not get to be with him for 2 years.... im really scared...cuz yea he says he's never gonna forget bout me and that he loves me and only me..but ... i mean after a while of not seeing each other things are bound to change ... he's bound to find someone new... and bound to stop feeling for me.... but anyways... on to why last nite was so incredible... i got to go out with colin .. he got his friend's mom to pick me up ... we got something to eat and ... we took a walk ... it was so nice... he got his hair cut.. he looks so great... i swear sometimes i just look at him and im like wow ... im so fucking lucky.... i spent the whole nite just staring at his face and hoping to god that the moment wouldn't end... cuz honnestly i have no idea when the next time i mite get to see him will be ... we sat down by this house that was under construction and just like held each other and kissed... it was so wonderful... i missed him so much... he's all i think about ... and i worry about him so much ... but last nite was ... just ... magical. i mean there's no other way to describe it .. it was the best time i have had in god knows how long ... and eventhough we didnt do much.. it was all the better because i was with him ... i really hope that we make it through this ... cuz i can't see myself ever getting over him if it didn't work out ... now moving on to why i got hell when i got home... i ended up getting home at like 11 45 cuz his friend's mom couldn't pick me up till late... and the last like hour or so of our nite sucked because i had called my mom at like 10 and i knew how pissed off she was.. so the rest of the nite i was just really worried..cuz i knew what waited for me once i got home ... but it was still really nice.. i rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me ... he's so amazing... its funny to me how he doesn't realize how incredible he is .. and how he swears that HE'S the lucky one ... but anyway once i got home ... i was rite... all hell broke loose... but honestly at that moment i could care less ... well here's how the punishment worked out: im not allowed to go out... for an indefinite period of time, my phone time has gone back to being from 4-6 ... and im allowed online until 9. ... but to tell u guys the truth.. none of that phases me ... i dont care that i got grounded, i dont care that my mom is pissed... i mean i do care about those things but ... im not sorry that i went out ... cuz i needed that ... after a week that just went downhill nonstop... one nite of fun with my baby was exactly the remedy i needed and desired. i can't say that im happy cuz ..well i dont know when the next time im gonna be able to see him is cuz im grounded... but still.. i got to see him so im happIER. which is more than i can say for myself a lot of the time ...so yea ... life is going alrite... and i guess all i can do now ... is hope. tonite's song: goodbye, goodnight by mae "do you miss me where you are?" ^^ |
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| Anonymous | 08-28-04 6:51pm aww thai..I'm sorry that all this is happening to u and him...I mean I know the boy is crazy but he makes u happy and that's great...but stay positive...remember tania is in ur same position...she doesn't see her bf...only when he comes down to visit her...long distance relationships can work...so don't despair *i know it sounds corny but it's true*...btw u get 45 mins of lunch? from wat time to wat time is ur school...sry very add of me...but I also hope things work out for the better!
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| Anonymous | Keep on keeping on, 08-28-04 11:02pm George in military school? fuck that. he better still plan on voting for me though, that way I can say I have supporters in the military. fight the power in general! |
babaloo181 | Re: Keep on keeping on, 08-29-04 10:33am umm... george? .. im talking about colin... im guessing this is matt though |