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| babaloo181 (profile) wrote, on 9-1-2004 at 5:26pm | |
| Current mood: better... Music: am i not yours by cursive Subject: i talked to my baby! |
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| he called me today.. thru at&t long distance..but my mom said it was alrite ... aww yay! he's absolutely miserable though.. he hates it there ... he says everything reminds him of me ... cuz like during study hall i would always write little notes all over his stuff .. and he's using the same supplies for military school... and so everytime he opens something up he finds a little note from me ... and he says he hates it cuz it makes him wanna cry knowing that he can't be with me ... i miss him so much... hearing his voice though ... that made my day... fuck that .. my week ... ima send him a letter tomorrow ... i think i can handle being away from him for a while but i dont think he can ... just cuz he's so depressed and angry.... his school's evacuating this weekend cuz of the hurricane ... the colonel gave them the choice of coming down to a military school in st. pete or goin home ... he called his mom to see if he could go home and she said no... what a bitch... that pisses me off cuz i mite have been able to see him ... agh. .. god i miss him so much i just wanna like give him a big hug ... everyone keeps telling me that im not myself anymore ... im not all smiley... but i can't help but not be smiley ... school's horrible... everywhere i look it reminds me of him ... every class i had with him .. looking at his empty chair just makes me want to cry ... knowing that he hates his life rite now ... agh it just kills me .. i feel so helpless though cuz there's not much i can do for him .. to make him feel better ... and as if all that shit wasn't enough ... i dont think ima be able to go to europe .. my mom has no money rite now and the cut for the trip is almost over ... w/e ... im not enthusiastic about anything anymore ... it all sucks ... i hate being all mopey ... and i know other ppl hate it too cuz like i can tell it's pissing shilpa off but w/e dude fuck that cuz u know what? she doesn't understand what it feels like .. she doesn't realize that i have the rite to be completely depressed cuz the one person who made my day worthwhile has been taken away from me ... so w/e... it's gotten to the point where everyday i literally count the minutes till it's over and i get to go home and just sulk ... i find myself praying for the weekend to arrive .. cuz walking around that school and seeing all the couples ... agh.. it kills me ... i hate this ... it sucks so bad ... this year was supposed to be fun... it was supposed to be the year that i went to homecoming... got my car... had more freedom... saw colin often... did awesome in school.... but that's all down the fucking drain ... cuz not having colin around makes me not give a fuck about school ... makes my days miserable... it just sucks ... i know u guys r prolly sick of reading bout me bitching and moaning but i dont really give a fuck cuz at school... i find myself trying to smile a little to make everyone else not feel uncomfortable but on my own fucking journal i could care less who gets ticked off ... cuz the truth is im fucking miserable ... and if anyone can change that to where i go back to being myself ... then be my guest... but seeing as u guys rn't colin.. i dont see that happening ... so anyway .. the point of this entry is to say that i got to talk to him ... i smiled... honestly smiled ... for the first time in like a week ... i love that boy... so yea .. everyone else.. have fun wit ur wonderful lives .... tonite's song: note to self by from first to last "note to self: i miss you terribly" |
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| Anonymous | yara, 09-03-04 2:28pm hey thai! I know ur sad...and it sux abt his mom not letting him come down...cuz id want my kid with me if there was a hurricane...even if i sent him off to military school...so yeah that's messed up...but I really hope ull find a way not to be too depressed and yes i know i don't understand wat ur going through and a lot of ppl don't...but try to be a lil happy...it's not good to be so blah all the time...and when u think of him...like think positive...and watch when u see him again...it'll make the moment so much better :)...hope I helped...and if i didn't...pretend i did for a nanosec at least...
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