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glitterkisses (profile) wrote,
on 9-14-2004 at 8:57pm
My mom came to get me to go talk, and I have never yelled, screamed, cried in my entire life and I hope I never do that again because I have never wanted to die more so than that moment in the car with her ever in my life. Not a hug, not a kiss, nothing. Just more things to make this very reason for why I am living with Kate and why I hate my life and who I am even more than what it already is. Things were just getting off my mind, just starting to be pushed aside until I found some way to deal with it and then that happens and I just am so dazed and confused. I have never been so hurt and angry in my entire life. I'm trying to hold it all in, untill the right time, where I'm fully capable of dealing with the situation without making it worse and there just is no way. It's on my mind day in and day out, every second. I can't forget it, because it's been my life for the past 15 years. My family for the past 15 years. And even though it's been torn apart many times before, never like this. I feel lost, and empty, and so sad to think...my family is..in my mind gone. The only thing I have is the e-mails my mom sends me ..that's nothing. I just ughh dont know what to do because I can't forgive and forget right now...i can't. As much as I want to just hug and kiss my mom and dad and tell them i love them...I just have to accept it wont be that way again for a long time, and it breaks my heart and tears it in two that it even has to be like that. I just hope one day that it'll be okay again. Otherwise I'll continue to feel empty and as shitty and un-loved as i do right now. Of course my friends love me but it's just not the same as your mom and dad. It's just not. *sigh* akdjfajldkf;jalkdfjalkdjf;alksjdfalkjdf

I feel so useless, and I just need someone to hug me everyday and tell me they love me , something...or I dunno I'm just going to lose it all.
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.j.e.s.s.

09-14-04 10:06pm

i think you should tell your mom all that stuff you just wrote.

i love you jess like nobody else. <3

(reply to this)

cherylee

09-14-04 10:13pm

Jessi,

Girl, I am soo sorry. I know that I am not a close friend but more of an aquantance than anything. I can't help but feel for you. As corny as this may be, there have been many times when I have just been like "God, Jessi has it made! I'm jealous."

You are such a wonderful person. You are genuine. Not many people are. You don't come across as a 'fake' person. I don't know you that well, but I see you as a woman that has so much potential. You could be a woman of the world. You are true to yourself and that, in the end, is all that matter.

I know what you mean to feel un-loved by your family. I love my dad more than life it's self, but i can't get him to do anything with me. I can't watch a movie with him; he falls asleep. He wont teach me to drive a stick because he has school. There has been a few years when I would go weeks without setting eyes on him because he worked so much.

I don't know what's going on. I know I can't make anything better. What I do know is, I can try to make you smile. I can try to make you see what you really are. Someone that is capeable of loving and being loved.

I hope that with some rest, some laughs, and some good ole ice-cream, you will be able to, just for a short while, forget your pain and be able to love who you are. You deserve it.

Take the world in you hand, hold it gentely, and shape it the way YOU want it, just...because...you...can.


Wish I could do more....


Always,
Cheryl





(reply to this)

glitterkisses

Re:, 09-15-04 8:51am

You are so sweet, I can't thank you enough for saying all that. It really did make me smile and made me feel a lot better about myself and everything going on. Thank you hun, You're are precious.

:) Jess

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