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| aushpog (profile) wrote, on 9-16-2004 at 7:21pm | |
| Current mood: awe Music: [=] i have always loved you + addison road Subject: MAN. GOD... WOW. |
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| the days go by, and as i find myself misrepresenting christ and being faithless to him, i manage to become more in awe of him. i'm building up, i know it - becoming more aware of christ when i am being unchristlike, just thinking of him. and that's good, because it feels so much like i have to have JESUS written all over my arms to remind me of him and when i'm hurting him - to remind me of what i'm supposed to do for him. but man, i am so in love. but i'm just not always in it, not always doing what god wants me to, not always representing him. i mean it's not like at school i bash the bible - i just don't speak up or say things when i should, or just... certain little things, you know? but every little things hurt. even a little tap-tap on the nail in jesus' hand. i mean, it still HURTS. but i don't know how i would live without wednesday church - i just simply wouldn't. i just thrive on praising god. and i've found that i need to stand in the back of the room more - because sometimes it feels like i have an audience behind me when i'm in the front. i just feel so much more open with god when i am in the back, away from everyone's eyes - because it only matters if i'm in sight of GOD. i'm just trying to make it completely all for him - and i know that's impossible because human motive's can't be 100% pure. but sometimes i think, "well, i know you can't worship endlessly, being completely pure. but sometimes, at some moments when i am completely unaware of anything else - is it possible that that is pure?" i'm not sure. i mean i'm not saying that you can't worship god with everything in the entire world - that means a LOT of things. but... anyway. getting all deep and stuff. for the creative essay god wrote for my english class - i'm happy my teacher was very receptive. she's not an atheist - i mean she "believes" in god's existence but i don't know if she really... believes. 'cause man, there's a difference. and i think i attempted to tell the whole moses/snake/believe story regarding john 3:14. i'm getting the feeling i did a BAD job, so i'll type up the chapter in jeremy's book about it later (and i mean... LATER... because you know how i am. old and forgetful, yes.). because jeremy DEFINITELY knows more about it than i do! and about a lot of other things too! i don't know where you can find his book, if it's available anywhere in different places - i'll check that out too. (... another LATER...). god is just awesome, though. i mean sometimes i think, well, here's why he's awesome... but sometimes i don't even want to think about the reasons. sometimes i'm just so content that i KNOW he's awesome that it takes over... and i'm filled with his love. and that's why wednesday worship grips my soul, my heart. there's something about the atmosphere - jesus being IN there. and i just feel god when i lift my hands to him. i just embrace him, and it feels incredible because i know he is embracing me back - despite all my flaws, despite the fact that EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE (that's almost 365 x 16 days) i hurt him. every day!!!! imagine that. billions of people EVERY day. can you imagine that pain? but i mean, it's one thing to hurt him and be a nonbeliever - but to be a believer and be aware. but man, i love him. i'm just so content thinking of him. i can't see why people can't love him back. maybe it's because of the "implications," aka the fact that you have to give up worldy stuff. but i'm off to do the little homework i have (that's a first!) and get some work done on tyler's and amanda's birthday presents. blessings from jesus christ... love, autumn "you are a fire that lights the night you are forgiveness that heals hearts, even mine only in you are we free only in you can we see only in you do we find life i have always loved you i have always loved you you bring salvation to a people broken inside you are redemption for those who seek second life -addison road (http://www.addisonroad.com) there's a player at the bottom so you can play the music easily. |
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| Anonymous | 10-03-04 11:07pm hey autum (hope i spelled that right if i didn't sorry)
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aushpog | Re:, 10-08-04 6:56pm aw nathan thanks so much! you are wonderful :) and it was muy divertido (that's "very fun" if you don't take espanol).
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