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| robbingnovember (profile) wrote, on 9-22-2004 at 10:52pm | |
| Current mood: envious Subject: i had to find you, tell you i need you, tell you i set you apart |
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| It is hard for me to explain and have anyone understand what i mean. I'm in love with someone who is in love with someone else. I loved him since the first time i saw him.. and he has no clue why i think he is so great. He has someone else who he writes songs about and cares incredibly about. And i sit here and write my entries about him and how he changed me. I love that we can just be total losers and laugh together at everything. I bet she doesn't give him as hard of a time as i do. But i know my place. He is with her and he is happy and who am i to interrupt that. Why does he even find it necessary to still talk to me? I'm nothing but trouble.. he should know that. i know he knows that. Im that other girl who he used to waste his long distance phone calls on while he should have been calling her. I'm the girl he never mentions that he has a girlfriend to.. even though he goes on about it to everyone and everthing else. She is so damn lucky. She is always so jealous of these girls who like him too.. but she has no idea how lucky she is.. she should be so happy because she is the one who has him.. she has him. They are so carefree. I wish i could just let this slide away. I want him to need me like i need him. But he doesnt need anyone.. not really. I want to be able to encourage him and look into his eyes and just smile or cry for joy because those are the eyes i would love to look into every day of my life. To see those eyes staring back at me with love.. only a dream. I thought i saw it once.. i was obviously mistaken. I want to be his babydoll again and i want to know im not inventing these wonderful notions about him. Sometimes i think if only i had done something.. but i know that it was a lost cause from the beginning. the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of those glorious summer days when we laughed and i had him, the true him. yeah, that was something. If only there was a way to capture that again. i would do it in a second. im just rambling. just know there isnt a day that goes by that i dont wish to see that smirk and those eyes and know that they are all mine | |
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blueyed | 09-22-04 11:13pm
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