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| fadingintoblue (profile) wrote, on 9-24-2004 at 6:40pm | |
| Current mood: like someone pushed me underwater and I can't brea Music: tracy chapman |
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| I hate this. When I get into one of these fucking moods, I can't even talk to people. I manipulated things so that I could be home alone tonight, and I don't except to see anyone else for at least another hour, longer if I leave the house (though I have nowhere to go). This is so stupid. I cut myself last night. I wasn't really feeling anything, so I figured I'd give it a try. Absolutely zero effect. I have some pretty red lines on my legs, but that's it. Even the "negative" coping mechanisms don't work anumore, and I'm not going to mess around trying to go deeper or anything like that, because I know that will just make it worse, so I'm done cutting now for good, I think. I can't even write poetry about it. I can't talk directly to anyone. And there's absolutely nothing wrong. Most of my classes don't suck, I see friends during the day (admittedly not every class, or even every other class), I have a car, I have a loving family...There's absolutely nothing wrong but me. Is this going to follow me? Am I going to be in college and still dealing with the same crap I've spent years trying to get over? Am I going to be agonizing over stupid stuff like this when I'm forty? |
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kiwi | 09-24-04 7:14pm Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... If I was there I would give you a BIIIIIIIG hug... |