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| TaoMan1121 (profile) wrote, on 10-5-2004 at 8:20pm | |
| Current mood: good. real good. Subject: The BCC is rather crowded for this time of night... |
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| A number things have struck me recently. An itemized list: 1) People smell. Bad. 2) I am rapidly coming to grips with the void that seperates me from the majority of humanity (or at least the section that I've dealt with). The individual I either loathe, love, or respect, but the whole I villify and look down upon. They are fat. They are stupid. They are ignorant. They are of no use to me. They do not concern themselves with me, and therefore I will certainly not concern myself with them. 3) I am prejudice and I do discriminate. Obese people fill me with disgust. Ignorant people make me wonder how such a large chasm was formed between me and the moron I'm talking to. Selfish people... selfish people used to be mentioned in the same breath, but at least they are out there getting what they want. However, people who are able to satisfy their own wants and needs, and can do the same for others without the two being mutually exclusive, and still choose not to do so... well, then, those people are still assholes. 4) I am wholly unconcerned that the view presented in number 3 is in any real way truly damaging or irresponsible in the larger picture. Usually, I keep this condescending patronage to myself, or a handful of others who feel the same, share the same anti-philanthropist views. Even just sitting here, surrounded by all these smelly people, I feel like Agent Smith at the end of the first Matrix, espousing about how humanity is a disease; one that he can feel leaving a residue in his fingers and in his mouth. (Or is it just the fact that the mouse and keyboard I'm using retain the moist, slimy residue of the countless other people who have sat in this chair before I?) 5) Not exluding any of the aforementioned damnation of society, scratch, American society, that I've become bored, tired, and disgusted with (I won't get in a political discussion with you, not because I don't like to argue, but because my helplessness, cynicism, and desperate abandon forces me to remain mute)... despite all that, I can recognize what an amazing state I'm in right now. To evidence: I'm finishing up a distinguished and well-earned diploma, with a bright and probable future with my continued education. I live in a great apartment, with a good roommate whom I have an extensive history with. Said roommate has just received a DVD burner for his birthday, allowing me to complete my movie collection. I am busy but still have quite a bit of free time to continue... doing whatever it is that I do. Most of my most valued loved ones are miles away, giving me purpose to get back up in the morning in hopes and anticipation of the next time that I will see them. I am once again in good health. My spirits are up. I am almost to a point where I am able to label myself assertive. My past and my future can be dismissed when they cause me undue stress by simply ignoring them. I don't make many mistakes, and the ones I do make are fresh and new and usually insignificant. I have a wall of media of which I'm immensely proud of. My GPA and GRE scores are well above the mean. I once again sleep without (haunting) dreams. And for arguably the first time in my life, I can go to bed with a fair amount of assurance that I will be able to maintain a simiilar level of optimism the next day. And that's what I set out to do when everything came crashing down earlier this year. I resigned that while it was impossible to be happy every day, it was possible to have the good days outnumber the bad. I achieved this goal through countless trials, over a long period of time, ensuring the permanence of the change. So, I say to the multitude of people out there who do not have my respect or trust, either because I haven't met you or because I have: you must earn it. I am no longer offering up benefit-of-the-doubt freebies. While I may have rescinded my previous dogma that people are inherently bad, I have also taken back the belief I held prior to that, which suggested that people are inherently good. People just are. But you are going to be damn sure I pick as many people who don't irk the living hell out of me in the process as humanly possible. |
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TaoMan1121 | 10-05-04 9:10pm The counter-argument you are currently cooking up is going to tell me that with my cynical, condescending, and I'll tell you right now, slightly embellished speech points to the fact that I haven't come to grips with anything. Well, to that I say it's survival, and you have absolutely no right to take that away from me. I'm earned it, and you better believe I'm going to use it. |
brutisimo | 10-06-04 12:11am That was a spectacular post, and while quite long winded, it dounds as if the pit of despair in whichyou previously resided has finally assended. You have entered back into society as a fully funtional, and i might add, slightly schmaltzy, student of human nature. Keep fighting the good fight my friend. |
Fanelia | 10-06-04 10:50am Well, my cheerfulness just went down a few notches. Was I a freebie? :-( |
TaoMan1121 | Re:, 10-06-04 12:45pm Surely, you can't be serious.
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Fanelia | Re: Re:, 10-06-04 2:50pm *sighs in relief*
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michellestar | 10-06-04 7:11pm That post pretty accuately described my emotions at times throughout my life. Although I'm not always like that. Usually I don't care enough to talk to people and therefore don't make friends easily of my own accord. I usually wait for people to approach me. Perhaps that puts me in the "selfish" group. But that's okay, it's all perspective anyhow. |
taoman1121 | Re:, 10-06-04 7:17pm Well, I guess we can chalk another one up to the "single-child" thing. :-) j/k |
Leeder5421 | 10-06-04 11:59pm Nice to see that things are coming together for you....but fuck you, asshole, for making fun of fat people. |
TaoMan1121 | Re:, 10-07-04 8:06am Yeah!!! He's risen from the Woohu-dead. And you know you aren't included in that group... I said obese, you don't qualify. |