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| tubularchick88 (profile) wrote, on 10-5-2004 at 11:43pm | |
| Current mood: sad Music: Broken Subject: Lonely |
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| Dude, im lost. I didnt even realize how "gone" i was untill my teachers brought it up. Other ppl realized something was wrong before me, im just now getting it. Some ppl are calling it post traumatic stress.... i guess thats possible. I dont know. All i know is, is that im at a really low point. I have never truely felt lonely. I feel like ive lost some of the closest ppl i have. I lost my two best friends in a matter of weeks, my guy pillars are practically gone.....i have no really close chick friends, my group is gone, fun is gone, my confidence that came from my group is gone, i have ppl at school but i need more. My family is here, but there are troubles there too. Is this was depression feels like? The feeling of wondering why you wake up everyday, go to school, come home, do hw, and go to bed. There is stuff here and there but thats basically it. I guess what i lost most was Jer. He held me up and made everything ok. Thats gone, the on person that made life seems simple is gone, and i know in my heart im not getting him back. Its over. The fun I speak of seems to have disappeared and ive slipped into an amiss. Im so low right now, and why isnt anyone breaking my fall? Is it my fault that no one really knows how deep down im hurt? Is it my fault no one knows that its not that "im tired" its that ive been crying. I guess it all started w/ my parents getting separated, then together, then cheating, then mt grandmother dying slowly, then total mess w/ a guy friend, a "best friend" hurting me so fuckin much i cant even describe, the hurricane creating a complete and utter mess, the lose of the ppl i love, and soooo much more im not including. And now here i am, bottled up and so low. Im not writing this for sympathy or replies or anything, id actually rather you not say anything if you do happen to read this. Just let it be. |
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andi | 10-10-04 1:45pm I'm not going to let u be chick. |