| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| moana (profile) wrote, on 10-14-2004 at 7:13pm | |
| Current mood: blah Music: deftones - one weak Subject: my body. |
|
| warm breath. wide hips. tight skin. slender arms. smooth flesh. scented hair. love handles. moist lips... frail. vuluptuous. small. alluring. mine. yours. you spend two years of your life, two years, two years which is a long time when you're just 16 just being together, being the greatest of friends, doing what you do best together. you're there everyday, and he's by your side, and no matter what trouble you get into, he's got your back, he's always there. he was my friend. he was my best friend. that time lucy took the bat for me he was there to drive us to the hospital. when i owed zachary all that money, he came through. that day jamelle stepped on the wrong toes, he didn't have me, didn't let me make a mockery out of myself for that scheming conniving bitch. when i came so close to... then you get drunk and stupid. and then he's up your shirt. and you're thinking, "when did this happen? why did this happen? why is this happening to me?" why? i'm not sure. young and drunk is a bad combination. i loved him in such a special way, and things got in the way of that. he got in the way of that. and instead of my best friend, he turned into this "close personal friend". and everytime i said it, i felt...ick. how could he do that to me? how dare he? how dare you? how dare you want this from me? how dare you believe that just because i exist my body belongs to you? how dare you expect me to be yours because you did something for me? how dare you want my body for nothing in return? no care, no love, no consent... you need my consent. you should've asked. i should've stopped you. i should have done a lot of things. and in the end, i can't list off all the "how dare you"s i want to yell at the world. i want to yell at every guy i've ever dumped, and every girl that's ever dumped me and i can't because i just don't have the right. i gave my body. i didn't stop him. i didn't stop her. i didn't stop anybody. because i love everybody. stupid. i want to make the world happier. how stupid of me. what was i thinking? so i yelled. "you call me and expect me to come crawling back to you? what do you take me for? your booty call? at least have the decency to say so if that's what you want, i've been booty call before! you killed this, not me, and if you ever think about touching me again i will personally tell the boys to rape you! how dare you, how dare you how dare you!" i yelled for so long. then i cried. i can't believe i cried. he made me cry again. but no i can't blame him. not entirely, anyway. i cried because i felt guilty i was yelling at him. stupid. i'm so stupid. i was so stupid. forget it, fuck that. this is my body. the least you can do is ask. i'm not a drunk anymore. i'm not gonna be stupid. this is my body. you want in, then you want everything that comes with it. my head, my thoughts, my feelings, my, my... if you want the vessel, you're getting me with it. i'm in it. i can't leave it. you can't take me out of it. you can pretend i'm not there for the time being, and it helps when i wish i wasn't there. but it's over. i don't wanna leave my body just so you can have your space with my flesh and my skin. i feel like scratching it all off. i feel like i wish i was somebody else, in another body, i wish i could peel the very life off of it. stop trying to get into my pants. stop asking me to spend some time with you when what you're really thinking is "let's have a few drinks and get on the couch." stop it. stop it before i kill you. She'll let you in her house If you come knockin' late at night She'll let you in her mind If the words you say are right If you pay the price She'll let you deep inside But there's a secret garden she hides She'll let you in her car To go drivin' round She'll let you into the parts of herself That'll bring you down She'll let you in her heart If you got a hammer and a vise But into her secret garden, don't think twice You've gone a million miles How far'd you get To that place where you can't remember And you can't forget She'll lead you down a path There'll be tenderness in the air She'll let you come just far enough So you know she's really there She'll look at you and smile And her eyes will say She's got a secret garden Where everything you want Where everything you need Will always stay A million miles away |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
cowboy67 | 10-14-04 2:24pm toto, i'm so proud of you for saying all that. i'm glad that you stuck up for yourself. you are worth so much more than anything those assholes have to offer -- hah, if they have anything to offer at all. you deserve someone who wants, loves, and appreciates you as a whole person. keep your head up, and never settle for fools who don't treat you like the true princess jasmine you are! |
leaf | Re:, 10-15-04 2:02am What s/he said.
|
moana | Re:, 10-15-04 4:46am heh, i can always count on you to kick me when i'm wrong and pet me when i'm right. thanks prince abubu |
moana | Re: Re:, 10-15-04 4:47am i'm glad about your good fortune. but people who know me kinda figure i have some issues with my body, and this is a big resolution to fix those issues. |
| Anonymous | ac, 10-15-04 12:15pm You're such a beautiful person. |
metalhead | Re: ac, 10-15-04 1:25pm She really is, isn't she? |
moana | Re: Re: ac, 10-15-04 1:48pm shhhhhh no no no maddness. |