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| TaoMan1121 (profile) wrote, on 10-14-2004 at 1:28pm | |
| Current mood: paradoxical Music: Sheryl Crow - Tomorrow Never Dies Subject: I don't wanna vote anymore... |
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| The more I try to run away, the more reasons I find to stay here. I've got a specific idea of what I want to do for graduate school and who I want to work with, but these preferences were formed by the programs I've been a part of and the professors that I've worked under. Of course, my interests are most going to match up with Western... which leaves me the question? Why am I running away? It's still the weather and the chance to be free. So, do I give up the best program for happiness or do I give up happiness for the best program (and we DO have the best program, I am immensely proud of that fact). I'm sure I'll satisfy both wherever I end up... but then there's this third variable. Which begs the question: How long am I going to keep this to myself? I've told some, but they haven't been the person/persons I should be telling. Can we say fear of rejection? Of failure? Of an immense number of variables not coming together in my favor? Answers to all of these questions come in the form an inability to commit to opening that Pandora's box. Because it seems like it's the most selfish and idealistic thing I could possibly do. I've worked so hard to get to my state of uber-contentment, do I want to endanger it so quickly? Wouldn't it be easier to just stay here and die my slow death, yet at the same time safe and flourishing professionally, but only within the confines of Wood Hall? Why can't I just transport the Psychology Dept. of Western's to a warmer climate? Why can't I just transport myself there? I know how to give this up, I have that ability now, I always have, but do I really want to? Eh, it'll work out. It always has. |
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Fanelia | 10-14-04 11:31pm You sound just like I have the past two weeks, seriously. My dilemma isn't coming at me as quickly as yours is, but I do believe I know exactly how you feel on many levels. Just give it some time, and it will come to you, I know it will. |