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| mudpiegrl (profile) wrote, on 10-16-2004 at 12:32am | |
| Current mood: sad Music: volume one on the tv Subject: oh, how horrible this hallmark holiday! |
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| Today i took mushroom and campy to get sweetest day gifts for their girls. Not only are the two incredibly innovative, they are just plain cute. watching them ponder everything from the simple, generic yet romantic gifts to ironing the creases out of original ideas that would make any girl feel special and still make her laugh. Hopefully ryan isnt an idiot and remembers the day. patrice deserves so much. Oh damn it! i have chocolate on my shirt...grr! today really wasnt that great of a day. again, i dont feel that well, but i got through the day. I just wanted to go home and lose myself in the sims and the new downloads from yesterday...and campy and mushroom wanted to do stuff...cuz they were bored. We decided to eat but my gas light went on so i wnet home for the card. not there...i called my dad so that he could meet me at the gas station (halfway between our current locations). got gas; forgot gas cap. went to jewel. no details. jen might read. no present yet. the basic back and forth for money was frustrating. jealously...holy jealousy. am lucky to get neil to stay on the phone with me for twenty minutes, never mind spend four hours on a project just to make me smile. come to think of it, ive only recieved cards on holidays nad birthdays....stuffed animal on christmas and birthday...poster and book...also holidays. oh and fucking flowers for dances, which after twice i told him to stop: they just die. Why cant anything be just because. im not asking for three hundred dollar stuff here.i dont know. the most creative thing hes done was just recently. he recorded "i miss you" on my voicemail played by his guitar. odd that someone who misses me would take his video games and football games over his girlfriend on the other end of the phone or in the hotel down the street. so theres this part of me that says, "break up. whats the point?" Pro: sweet wehn i actually see him Con:It's rare. two weeks turned into a month, which will soon be more. Pro: someone ive built a relationship with who i feel actually cares for me in return. Con:i wonder if he cares as much as i think...or am i trying to convince myself. what proof do i have? Pro: there is none to this. Con:video games, friends, football games more important. Pro: says "i miss you" and "i love you" Con:has also said "i cant miss you" Pro: i wonder, is he also trying to convince himself that its not that bad, distracting himself? Con:why cant he just show me he cares!? Pro: cried before he left. Con:for family, friends? most likely not jsut me. to breaking up: Pro: it'd be a hell of a lot easier to deal with. i'd get over him quicker. otherwise he's slowly ripped away...like a bandaid...less painful the faster. Con:oh my god it makes me cry to think about it. so my conclusion=none. i dont know im lost and i wish someone would help me. but then i just sound like im complaining. and who's going to listen? jen is having too many issues with mushroom to care. patrice is going to be too stressed with dracula by time i get to her and i dont even know hwo to explain it. sandy's good but i always feel bad cuz i get the answer "i wouldnt really know". Q just depresses me when i try to ask him a question like that. jill sort of forgets i asked a question and continues talking/thinking about whatever preceeded the question. oh i love being lonely. im just going to go play sims now after i walk the dogs they're the coolest people. |
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| Anonymous | 10-16-04 12:40pm Have you thought about talking to him about htis? Don't say, Hey do you wanna break up? just ask what more would change in your relationship as it is now. Or perhaps this is nt the best advice for you. Maybe Trying harder first with the distance, agree to email eachother every week or call one another at a certain time to talk. I cant realy think of anything where you would see eachother more often, but if your having doubts about how much longer your relationship is going to last, ask yourself how much longer you want it to last. Do you want you and neil as you are now to continue? Because not much more can be done while he's away at college. DO you feel the both of you are strong enough to make this work. I know im playing devils advocate, and you love him A LOT, but there's more in a couples relationship than caring, its the overall desire to see,talk,and want to be together sort of desire. Im not going to tell you what to do. You have to make that decision. I doubt that ive helped with steering you in a certain decision, and i dont like hearing the questions i ask, especially if i would have to consider breaking up with a guy, but they are the questions i would need to hear. Yell at me later if you want.
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