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elektragamblin (profile) wrote,
on 11-19-2004 at 11:45pm
Current mood: exhausted
Music: Josh Groban - Remember when it Rains
Subject: *is too damn tired to care anymore*
One of these days............I'm just going to curl up and die, I know it. I envy people who are terminally ill........at least they know it's going to end.

There's a way to help me feel better....but I could never take it, MOVE?? I think mom is actually serious about trying it sometime or another.....I know she would be if I asked....but I can't, no matter how much I need it. I don't give a damn if the cold of Alaska makes me hurt worse....it's my -home- I could never be anywhere else. The only thing that keeps me getting up every morning is this place, my friends, my school that I would not survive without, I know a lot of my sanity depends on people like Rene and Ricky, who don't even live here, but they would never make up for leaving here. It's warmer down in the states.....but it's disgusting down there. The air is filthy, it's damp and full of smog that makes me feel sick whenever I breathe it. The heat is too wet, it feels like being in a sauna, not the sun.

If Alaska could just have warmer winters......I know it'll never happen, not unless we have global warming...which personally, is a bunch of bs.

If the dumb doctor wasn't already dead...I think I'd kill him -.- He just -had- to crash his damn plane into a lake and kill himself, which caused -my- doctor to have to close her office because they shared it. So now who am I stuck with?? Doctor Montano, the one who's very mention makes my mom look as if she could chew rocks. The one who diagnosed me with plourasy and had me spending weeks in agony because I couldn't breathe and the prescription wasn't doing shit, the moron who can't tell the difference between IBS and an infection. The doctor I wouldn't even go to for a cold! We finally find out whats wrong with me, we finally get a good doctor, and now she's quitting because her damn partner flew into a lake, and I get stuck with a primary care doctor who should never have been let into med school, let alone graduate from it.

I really, really, hate my life.

scratch that....I hate my body....and I guess thats just fine because apparently it hates me too......

But you know what....I don't care.....I just don't. If it wants to hate me...let it, it's just pain....what's a little pain anyways? I mean sure...I can't even get out of bed some days because it hurts too much to move, but who doesn't have their problems?

I used to say I have an excuse for being a bitch, I've -earned- the right to be a bitch. But........I just can't anymore, I've heard "just toughen it up" so many times by now, it's like a broken track that just keeps repeating. But how the hell do you toughen up when you can't even move? Is there like some secret trick someone neglected to tell me about that forces a body to just conveniantly forget that it hurts? I doubt it...but I have another solution......hows about I stay in bed....and just not care? with everyone reminding me about what a whimp I am......I might as well just do the part. Whimps don't care that they're whimps....that's why they're whimps.....I could probably pull it off.......maybe........

Either way......I don't care...not right now...I probably will later...it's who I am....

doesn't stop me from wishing it wasn't.
Post A Comment

ChibiKeriana

11-20-04 4:48am

According to life as most teenagers know it, you and I are simply far too weak, and all that crap.

Is it our fault that someone sneezes in California, and we get sick? No.

I may not have the same problems you to, but I have my own, and I can so totally relate.

I've gotten fairly good with pain, though. The infamous "take your mind off it" trick. I'd suggest sleeping, but I know that's not as easy for you as it is for me. I can pass out on command! lol.

And, Sher. Do you -really- wanna be a _NEVILLE_?! O_O;

If you leave Alaska, I'll murder you, because then I'll be, like, completely friendless. As far as intelligent and trustworthy friends go, anyway.

Feel better.

<3.

(reply to this)

elektragamblin

Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 4:59am

Icky...no, bad neville.....more like...uhh...Snape......sorta.....
o.O

Bah...I don't know what I'm talking about....ignore me x.x

(reply to comment)

ChibiKeriana

Re: Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 5:01am

...You frighten me so much. XD

<3

(reply to comment)

elektragamblin

Re: Re: Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 5:21am

My day's work is done!

XD

:p

(reply to comment)

ChibiKeriana

Re: Re: Re: Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 5:33am

...Yep.

You should think of getting paid for it. XD

(reply to comment)

ElektraGamblin

Re: Re: Re: Re: Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 9:30pm

oooh!! now there's an idea!

XD

(reply to comment)

ChibiKeriana

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Neville?? o.O, 11-20-04 11:26pm

XDD Yeshiiee!

<3

(reply to comment)