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| xsilentxsuicidex (profile) wrote, on 12-2-2004 at 4:49pm | |
| Well, my good mood is completely gone. And the butterflies are only making me feel lonely. About an hour after I posted last night, my dad called me and my sister downstairs. Mom was lying in bed. She was incoheirant, and I could barely understand what she was saying. She's been taking a "friend" of her's medicine. Yeah, some friend. Beside the fact that it makes her speach slurred, and completely not understandable, she takes it with alcohol, which is really dangerous. She's been drinking more, and smoking about a pack a day. I'm afraid to get in the car with her behind the wheel. She's under the influence of something everyday when she picks me up from school. I remember about 2 months ago. She'd cut down sooo much. She was down to like two cigarettes a day, and she cut out drinking all together. I was so proud of her. But she's just let herself be influenced again. This morning, we had a 3 hour chorus practice. I cried when we were out in the seats. A bunch of preps saw me. They thought it was because I got bumped off the solo... I guess that's part of the reason. I just wanted to show people I was good at something. This was my one time to be recognized. But instead, he gave it to a seventh grader, who gets recognized for her swimming acheivements all the time. Carly, my wonderful sister... I look up to her so much. I wanted her to hear me. I was going to put my whole heart into that few seconds of singing, but of course, that just won't happen. All day, there were tears in my eyes. Once again, my chance to be seen was taken away... and I fear for my mother's life. There have been many times before when she's almost died because she was intoxicated. She may have to leave for rehab. A month without a mother.... Wow. I don't see why I have to watch so many people be ruined by drugs or alcohol. No matter what I say to them, it means nothing. I can never get the message across. I've seen this happen too many times before... Fucking tears me apart. |
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| Anonymous | ~Rhianna~, 12-02-04 5:17pm Nice music. . . But i kno how u feel about the solo. Kinda how I felt the whole beginning of the year. . .
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| Anonymous | mmm, 12-02-04 9:48pm um...jeez...i dont know what to say(bout the mom-u-lator)...ek..mr reil is a dumb ass..even mrs teirny the orkstra lady agrees in adult words,not youthful words..;) jesus hes stupid..YOU shoudlve been up there damnit!!..golly..well you can forget his fucked up ass..i never did like him..even i fi had him just for reading thing..he'd always talk and flirt w/the preps...it was stupid...still does i see...well forget bout his sorry fucked up ass dana..:D cuz he woodnt know a singer if it jumped out and pulled his heart out w/veins and blood and layers of skin every where splatterd on te ground....um..sorry for the graihic fuck....stupid csi shows...no wonder parents wont allow lil kids to watch them.......~bethnee |