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| brownsugar (profile) wrote, on 12-17-2004 at 11:46pm | |
| Music: again- janet jackson Subject: How many times did i tell myself that i'm never fallin in love again? |
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| It's so hard to be strong sometimes and everything can pull you back so much. I had come so close to hapiness to have it swept away. Do you ever feel hated or just that everyone is making dirty faces behind your back? I've always been so confident and not caring but now I find myself looking behind my back sometimes wondering, is that person mocking me? Is that person making fun of me? Are they all just to get me? I know, I shouldn't care, but sometimes I can't help but care.. it just comes in partly with being in highschool and I guess it all comes and goes and I find myself being so selfconcious sometimes. I always thought I knew everything.. I knew everything. Now, I feel as if I know nothing. As if theres nothing planned out for me. Everything's breaking right underneath my fingertips. My family's crushing, all I do is yell at them, and my friendships are breaking and my security is breaking. I don't know why I can't forget my past sometimes. Everyonce in a while I'm reminded of him. So FIERCLY reminded of him. Could we have had something I ask myself. It's just that the memories all sweep back to me everyonce in a while and once I think I've forgotten I'm suddenly reminded of it.. all over again. I think I'm secure and I'm insecure once again. I just can't control. Some one mentions something, I see his face, or it just explodes in my face. Jealousy sweeps through my veins sometimes and I don't know what it is. Why does this happen to me? And I know this sounds so childish and so.. immature. but, WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE WHAT I WANT FOR ONCE?? Everything just slips underneath my fingers so easily because I just let it, so easily and so nicely. I always let it go as if I don't care even though I really do so much on the inside. It tears me up on the insides. It rips me out and it won't leave me alone. It just won't leave me alone. |
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| Anonymous | 12-17-04 3:48pm "Everything's breaking right underneath my fingertips."
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