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| brandnew26 (profile) wrote, on 12-18-2004 at 12:04pm | |
| Current mood: pissed off Music: You And I - Silent Mourning Whisper |
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| so i'm an asshole. god, i fucking hate people. all of them, every single one. fuck. i put up with too much shit. fuck the saying "bad stuff happens to good people" what the fuck do i do to deserve what i get? ridiculed for everything i do, everything i am and everything i might be. so much shit. "fucking dirty mexican this, dirty spic that" fuck you all. i'm 16% mexican assholes, more irish, itailian, spanish and french than mexican. so what if i like hardcore music, so what if i like indie or "emo" music? is it such a bad thing that i don't drink or smoke....or even...gasp! refrain from sex at all?!?!? oh yeah, its just my excuse because "couldn't get any if i tried" even if i had a girlfriend i wouldn't want any. its just how i am, i'm not gay or fucked up. i'm not like everyone else, i'd kill myself if i was, and i'm guessing thats what you want...both parts. so you know what, fuck you. i'm staying the way i am and you can go fuck yourself or whatever disease ridden bitch you do fuck. merry christmas asshole. i'm not in the greatest of moods. so i have no friends. i guess the only real reason i'm writing in here is so i have something to look back on? i'm odd, but i like it that way. so my plans for this weekend are to finish my homework, sleep and work on something for photography. went to mayfair today, tom actually like my work. can you believe it? a real, top of the line, professional photographer liking my work. me, mine. my lowly excuse for a picture. he told me i should think about applying to the center for creative studies. i think i just may. god, i long for real, intelligent, human, face to face contract outside of the few people i talk to somewhat at school. i come home, sit here, go to my darkroom, go to starbucks and then lock myself in my room til morning because i just want to avoid all people that i can have a real conversation with. my family kind of understands, thank god for that. i love my family. no sarcasim in there, i promise, really. they actually tell me to follow my dreams and try to help me along the way. can you really ask for anything else? so tom is in saganaw for the weekend-ish time span. i don't have eric's phone number, so i'm fucked there. two of the people i can have real conversations with are gone. everyone else is either too busy or won't talk to me. you can go from having a goo amount of people to talk to, to almost none instantly. so while i'm on this whole long rant of an entry i'll talk about my other things in my life. i'm single, i'm 17. i have no chance of having a girlfriend in the remainder of my high school years. doesn't really bother me. i miss having someone to talk to about lots of things, someone to rant with. so i guess this journal is my mistriss. my place to rant. plans for the holidays? nope. i'm so awesome and popular i decorate my tree alone? an indicator of things to come? i hope not. i've become somewhat more religious, which is a good thing. i found somethings that i've been yearning and searching for. so apparently we are getting an arctic blast soon. only thing i have planned during that period is seeing how long i can stay outside when it gets that cold in only my boxers. i'm thinking 30 minutes at least. should be interesting. only thing that i really do wrong with my body is pushing it to its limits. like i said, no drinking, smoking or sex are givens. its the extreme stuff thats much more fun. been trying to teach myself more piano, its coming along. i probably should try to go and get some sleep. i'll probably write more tomorrow. good night. you don't know me, i'm permanent |
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| Anonymous | (Stefania), 12-18-04 2:40pm yikes. I'll beat those people's asses |
childofthelost | 12-18-04 3:17pm *hugs* |