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tails (profile) wrote,
on 1-1-2005 at 10:57pm
Current mood: accomplished
Music: Anything That Makes You Slit Your Wrists
Subject: Drunk
Tell Me Every Thought You Have On This. If You Think Its Shit Then Tear Me Apart I Need To Know If Its Good Or Bad. So Here Goes.
The Title Is
Warm Strings

I think that I'm drunk
My body feels warm
This must’ve been
What they tried to warn

These people aren’t here to be friendly
They are here to accompany me
On my way to
Inebriated dreamland

Empty shuttles of good feelings
They laced the floor
And I am begging to remember more
But the guards keep handing me bullets

The words slip out tired
Just like they did before
Begging for attentive ears
Your repetitive slurs are lost

The clattering
And the feeling
It’s great to stumble about
You hit the ground

You disappear without a sound
Everyone sees you
But there all abound
To hit it hard

The tears they flow faster
Then the dent in the plaster
That you made with your heart
Even though the words played their part

Now it’s cold once again
And you’ve lost all friends
Your bullets lay tattered
On the floor

Shell by shell you clean them
And reminisce on the pain
You hear in your head
All the stupid things that you said

Then you walk about
Feeling normal
Regretting the deed
You fall fast asleep

Until once more
Arises the need
To walk away
From all of this world

And the boats and the cars are all ready
To take you away, string by string
An incoherent puppet you've become
But it feels alright to be free
Post A Comment



cherylee

01-01-05 11:02pm

it's really good. heavy, but good.

you've got such a talent...

(reply to this)


tails

Re:, 01-01-05 11:03pm

heavy?

(reply to comment)


jim9nin

01-01-05 11:08pm

it's hard to explain why but i like it

(reply to this)


tails

Re:, 01-01-05 11:18pm

thanks bill *smiles* thanks alot

(reply to comment)


bleedingsun

A COMMENT, 01-01-05 11:40pm

I like it, but I think it could be better if you had some structure. The rhyming is good, but again it would be better if it wasn't just thrown in there. You express yourself very well.

(reply to this)


tails

Re: A COMMENT, 01-01-05 11:46pm

thank you ron, thats a very good point. ill try editing it

(reply to comment)