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| bleedingsun (profile) wrote, on 1-12-2005 at 11:14pm | |
| Music: a perfect circle - the nurse who loved me Subject: The Hunger |
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| This is a story I have to write for english. It's not finished yet, but I have to stop writing for tonight. Think it's too gory for school? He had followed her silently until she was completely alone, standing on the corner and awaiting the city bus. With the dark of night on his side, he stayed in the shadows as he crept up upon her. A voracious hormone flooded his veins as he raised his clawed hand above his head and brought it down quickly on the back of her skull. She fell unconscious to the ground. Looking around to see if anyone had seen him, he crouched down, picked her up and laid her limp body across his shoulder. He had carried her deep into the forest and she lay dormant on his shoulder, her arms dangling and brushing against his back. Halfway to the cave, where he always fed on his prey, he could hear her whimpering softly as she slowly came to consciousness. He felt her body stiffen and he knew she had awoken. She screamed as she realized what was happening and her fists started beating furiously against him. Her nails dug into his skin and he could feel blood begin to trickle down his back. She was quite the tenacious women and it made him laugh; she actually thought she could bring pain to her nemesis. He grinned when he smelled her start to sweat, they always tasted better when full of fear. “Tonight the hunger will be pleased,” he had thought. It took more than the carrion of animals to satisfy the hunger, and she would prove to be a very appeasing meal. Knowing the cave was not far, he started running faster. Realizing she would not be able to fight her way out of this situation, she stopped digging into his back and started entreating him to let her go. Her words were not profound in the slightest bit as she stuttered through ten minutes of pleading and crying. Her attempts were futile. Suddenly, while running, his foot was caught under a protruding tree root and he fell to the ground. His ankle twisted and snapped under his weight and she flew from his grasp, rolling a few feet ahead of him. As she scrambled to get up he crawled towards her. She arose to her feet and he reached for her leg and clutched it firmly. She started to run and his claws sunk deep within her flesh. He held her tight but she pulled away screaming as he tore a chunk of meat out of her leg. Disappearing, she ran into the cover of the shadows under the dark foliage. Lying there, letting the pain subside, he chided himself for not being scrupulous enough. If he had been more careful this never would have happened. It was a complete fiasco, he had wanted to leave her unscathed until he was ready to feed, but it was clear that would not be happening after the debacle that had just befallen him. Arising to his feet, he slowly put pressure down on his hurt ankle. It was not broken, but he couldn’t do much more than limp for now. The hunger was intensifying and he was appalled at how much his insides ached for food. Like any good predator, even with a sprained ankle, he traveled swiftly through the forest, his movements covert and unheard. He could tell he was growing closer. It wouldn’t be long until she was in his arms and his mouth watered at just the thought of it. The scent of fear filled the air like fog and made his heart pound. The trail of blood was rapidly thickening and yes, such a copious loss of blood would abridge, and debase the pleasure of his feeding, but that didn’t matter; all that mattered was the hunger, and the need to quench it. |
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spud | 01-12-05 11:41pm what class could you possibly get away with that in?
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| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 3:20pm Yeah, it's hard to work the vocab in sometimes, especially when a lot of the words don't relate to the story. |
tails | 01-13-05 12:27am Nice Job ron. i really didnt expect that from you. not in a bad way, just didnt know you wrote like that. reword some things before you turn it in though. and for gods sake change "as he tore a chunk of meat out of her leg." to "as he tore a scrap of FLESH from out her leg" meat sounds so so so so crude and icky lol. |
| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 3:20pm Never.
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this-acoustic-love | 01-13-05 3:45am personally, i liked "meat".
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| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 3:25pm Thanks, I thought it was pretty descriptive too.
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PaintedOnMyMemory | 01-13-05 6:29am I like it. It's very descriptive. Hah, I wonder what Dolbee's expression will be when she reads it. |
| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 3:16pm I hope she freaks. |
sputnik | 01-13-05 2:55pm I loved it. I thought it was intense and very descriptive. It had it's moments of sucking you in with all the detail. I think it should be okay to hand in. What happened to freedom of thought or the freedom of handing in what you think you should or something... Whatever. The point is this is good stuff. To be Continued?... |
| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 3:21pm I'm glad you liked it.
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kate | 01-13-05 10:00pm I.. wow. I loved it. Turn it in. Dolbee's an english teacher, she's there to read, interpret, and teach many different kinds of works. I mean, that story is on the same level as a story by Poe, in the way that it's as horrific. She'll accept it.
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| bleedingsun | Re:, 01-13-05 10:07pm Thank you Kate. That comment made me very happy. I've never been compared to an actual writer before.
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kate | Re: Re:, 01-13-05 10:35pm You are an actual writer. |
| bleedingsun | Re: Re: Re:, 01-13-05 10:43pm God, I knew there was a reason I liked you so much.
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