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chuckitatthewall (profile) wrote,
on 1-19-2005 at 8:36pm
Music: THE DOORS CAUSE THEY ARE SO GOOD AND WAY BETTER THAN THE SHITTY MUSIC OF TODAY!
My family is so screwed up. Monday was my sister Maureen's birthday. She turned 20 but thats not the thing that is screwed up. My mother and my oldest sister, Monica, have been in this ongoing fight for about 5 years now and she is pregnant and my mother hates her. I don't know why exactly but because they are in a fight Monica has decided to cut the rest of off too. That means she stays for a 1/2 hour on chirstmas, doesnt show up on our birthdays, and mails the presents. How fucked up is that? I've decided that when people ask me how many sisters I have I will answer 3 instead of 4. I havent seen my sister yet this year and she lived 15 miles away. Last year I can count on 1 1/2 hands how many times I saw her. Pretty pathetic. Most of those hardly count because I saw her for about 20 minutes. I MISS MY SISTER SO MUCH AND SHE DOESNT EVEN CARE! I know she knows that what shes doing isnt right. How can she possibly be okay with herself for treating us like pieces of dog shit that she stepped on. She always tells me that I can call her and talk to her but why can't she call me? Why doesnt she take in interest in our lives? EVERYTHING IS CENTERED AROUND HER WHEN YOU TALK TO HER. YOU KNOW WHY? ITS BECAUSE WE TALK TO HER SO RARELY THAT WE HAVE TO SPEND THE ENTIRE TIME FINDING OUT IF SHES OK! It sucks. I will fucking beat anyone who does this to their families. Its the worst possible thing. It fucking hurts so much. I dont think she realizes that everyone in our family cries because of her. My mom cries, my other sister, i cry, even my dad cries. Its horrible. She has her whole family crying because shes such a bitch. If you try to tell her she gets this tone like shes talking down to you and its like DUDE FUCK OFF! STOP AND FUCKING LISTEN! FOR ONCE JUST FUCKING ACCEPT THAT YOURE BEING THE FUCKING BIGGEST BITCH EVER RIGHT NOW! REALIZE THAT YOURE FUCKING UP ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU THE FUCKING MOST! I'm sorry, this is really really bad what I'm going to say next but: I HOPE THAT BABY DIES! I HOPE IT DIES SO SHE COMES CRAWLING BACK TO US LIKE A DOG WHO GOT IN TROUBLE AND DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THEN SHE'D NEED US. SHE'D NEED US TO HELP HER AND SHE'D REALIZE HOW HORRIBLY SHE TREATED US AND THEN SHE'D SAY SORRY AND START BEING A SISTER AGAIN. We used to have so much fun together. She would take me places and I'd always go into her room to listen to the Beach Boys with her. On Sundays we watched the stupidest show, USA High, together and then sometimes we'd even play dress up (I was about 7 when this was going on). She read "A Christmas Carol" to me. She bought me a Beauty and the Beast cup for my birthday when I turned 3 and I still have it. THen she met James. Then she began to ignore us. I MISS HER SO MUCH! You have no idea how horrible it feels to lose a sister until it happens. I admit it, I used to say " I hate you" to her or tell her that I wish she'd die and stuff. I never EVER meant it! I never ever imagined it would actually fucking happen. BE NICE TO YOUR SIBLINGS! I could never do this to anyone. Its one of the worst feelings other than when someone dies. Right now I really miss Aunt Marie too and Mr. Vane. I wish my sister could see this. She can't. Even if she did I doubt it would change anything.


I NEED TO GO. Bye.
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paperheart

01-20-05 4:01pm

Sorry, I know how family can be sometimes. -hugs-
Cute Journal by the way. <3

(reply to this)

chuckitatthewall

Re:, 01-21-05 8:35pm

Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it. I guess I will get over my family being so disfunctional but it really sucks. BYE!

(reply to comment)

ddeastroyer

01-23-05 1:07am

Amen... The doors are one of my gods...

Thank whoever is up there for classic rock, eh?

(reply to this)

chuckitatthewall

Re:, 01-23-05 10:24pm

Dude I know! Well..I dont much listen to classic rock but the doors are great and I love them.

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LoupGarou

01-23-05 11:56pm

i don't really know what to say to it except: Man, that sucks.

It must really hurt to feel like she's gone. Especially knowing that she isn't really gone and that she can see you if she wanted to. It's kinda like she's dead to you but... well.. as i said before.. could choose not to be dead.
I agree she should start being more considerate. I'd say normally to tell her how you feel but I know that you've done that already, so it can't really be helped.

It makes me mad to hear that people are like that to their own family. Maybe some people can understand it, but i really can't. I love my family so much and try to stay as loyal to them as possible, and i know that you do too, by the way that you worry about them so much. Truthfully I admire how much you look after your family and try to keep it together. I don't think i could imagine myself mad at my mother or father so terribly that I decide not to talk to them at all.
But maybe your sister sees some sort of logic in it that you and I don't.
She's being very selfish.

Blargh! Hopefully things will turn out fine in the end. The only suggestion i can give to you at the moment is to talk to her again or something. I thought you had a lot of power in what you said about it here, so maybe if your talking to her on the phone alone in a room you can cuss at her like you did here lol.

Well i hope things turn out okay.
Bye bye

(reply to this)

chuckitatthewall

Re:, 01-25-05 9:15pm

Thanks Jess. Dude right now your comment makes me feel like calling her and trying to get to her to change again. You are very understanding. I really really appreciate this comment. You always have some good advice and yup..its nice to hear even if I already thought of it. *inserts imaginary smiley face*.
Bye

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