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| blondie17 (profile) wrote, on 1-20-2005 at 1:46pm | |
| Subject: letter that will never be read by the right person |
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| Weston, I have been thinking and decided i really should tell you this, no matter how nervous i am. When i say what i need to say i am "in a way" expecting you to laugh and shove it aside and tell all your friends that i am a psychotic bitch. But I realize that i need to tell you this or these thoughts will never leabe my mind and i fear that all those thoughts will still remain even after i take the chance in writing this letter to you so here it goes... I have told you over and over again that i like you and the problem with that is your drunk everytime. From the beginning I have like you....Member, when we first met, and i asked robin right in front of you, if you were the guy from the picture at derrics that i thought was hot, and you thought that it was cool? do you remember when you leaned over and kissed me when we were at the gas station and later on that night you told me that you would have tried to makeout with me all night if i hadnt kissed you then. YOu told me it was a goal...i miss that drive. i am writing this now with butterflies remembering that night. I remember it so well because i was so surprised that with the girls that were there, you were kissing me. then after a little while, we had sex up in your room...i regret this. In a way i think that you were testing me and i failed. I think that if i held off longer than i had you might have been more interested. I am foolish for gibing in so easily.I also think that in that moment i somehow gave you the impression that it was okay to call me whenever you want a booty call. The sad thing...you can. I would do anything to get the attention from you...and to tell you the truth weston...to be honest....I feel that if you were to call me at 4 am in the morning on a school night i would do anything in my power to get out and meet you. I am so pathetic...I fell for you and even when warned not to...it happened. i hate myself for this. And another disgusting fact is that i would do anything to get that ounce of attention you actually gibe me., when you want something. I tell my friends and they just tell me you are using me and i then tell them that i know and that it doesnt matter and i let you because i feeel so great when im with you. So in a way i suppose im using you aswell. I know i have bugged you by telling ou i li9ke you but i really dont know if you understand. I know you dont want a realationship, but i dont know if thats what i want. i just want more than what i have. i want to be more to you than just a easy piece of ass.You are probably asking, "if she likes me so much, than why does she sleep with so many other guys" and the only answer i have for that is...i dont know. stuff happens. but not once since i met you have i not thought about you before...or wished i was with you.I have not slept with more than 13 people and the way the world is now a days, that is good. the sad thing...i regret most of them. anyways weston...I want you to know something. I think you are one amazing person. you are so talented with your singing, writing, and your abilities to do many other things. i am astonished by your talents and i think that is about 70% of why i like you so much....because i know you are talented. However it hurts when we have sex...make love...and you dont even bother holding me afterwords....or you just pass out, or you just want to get going. its like well you have got what you wanted...ta ta! this makes me feel like shit. and you know i just realized that i am asking too much for you to actually read this letter. I truly think that i just dont want to feel so heart broken anymore. i think it would save me a lot of heartache if you just told me flat out, that i have no chance with you and that you just use me. this would however put the "sex when westong drunk and horny" to a hault meaning no more. I would of course be hurt for a while, but atleast then i would know that i have no chance and ill then be in the mindframe of getting over you,,,and move on. ive tried so hard before but it just comes back to you.God! you have honestly no idea how much i have been waiting to tell you this in a whay you might actually listen. another funny fact is that when i call you...and you pick up...im surprised that you took your time to do so. I dont understand why i cannt infact get over you, or why i feel so attached. its not like we even had anything close to a relationship at all. It was actually more of a one night stand that happened a few times. Fuck buddies minus the buddies and i am not going to do that any more. If for once you decide to call me when you are sober and actually want to hang out i will most likely fall for the " i like you, sleep with me line." but i hope with this letter you wont take advantage of what i told you.Do you realize that we have only hung out when you are drunk and want a piece? thats pathetic and i hate myself for being so weak to be at your beck and call. I know that there are a lot of guys out there and i am pretty sure they won't make me feel as used as you do! and i am sorry for lecturing you...cause i suppose its my fault anyways. so im sorry.i am sick of always being with someone else and thinking of you...or liking someone else and thinking of you...then comparing and realizing that if im hanging out with them...id leave in a split second to be with you.It also makes me feel stupid to want someone so bad...who could give a shit about me.If you ever want a girlfriend weston i hope that for at least a spleit seconbd you think of me and realize the it could actually work. i would do almost anything id be faithfula nd id support you in almost anything you do. i would be so good to you. I care about you so much. I hope that at one time i was more to you than just an easy lay. I honestly hope you find someone that will gibe you what i couldnt. Im sorry i did this...im sorry you got the wrong impression of me. and im sorry i couldnt be anything more. you deserve the best! ~casey |
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holiday | 01-21-05 1:17pm CASEY!
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blondie17 | Re:, 01-21-05 2:08pm i love you too. i dont think i can give him that letter cause i am pretty sure he is not the type of person to go for that kind of thing, to be honest i dont think hed ever talk to me again! |
| Anonymous | radom posting, 01-26-05 12:25am Hey, Im just reading random journal and thi sis a pretty heavy post, but its one that im sure a ton of girls your age have wanted to post..I think you should give him the letter..and if it will scare him away(which i think you already know it probably will) maybe it will just give you that push to get over him...maybe...ps just curious..is this guy someone you have to see everyday at school or something? cause that would make it all alot harder..
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| Anonymous | stranger danger, 02-13-05 1:30am wow... this is like some insane real-life modern-day romantic tragedy. It's beautiful, in a sad way. At least, thats how it seems from a stranger's point of veiw. |