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taoman1121 (profile) wrote,
on 2-10-2005 at 4:00pm
Current mood: bored
Subject: Sitting in Limbo with My Life of Threes
I need an optimist in my life. See, I used to be the resident optimist in these parts, but as time moved on, I've shifted to a role of simply trying to keep my head above water. Let alone trying to be a beacon of light and hope to everybody else. Now I look around for that hope from others, and I either find a similiar sense of pessimism or general apathy. Thoughts keep getting stuck; it's as if there's a bottleneck jam where my thoughts should disperse into a larger philosophical ocean, but seeing as there isn't another wave (of thoughts) to push them along, they just keep getting replayed like a broken record. There are moments of radiance in this sea of monotony: a forgotten song in the department store; a pristine, untouched memory; a relaxing night out. But the rest is this prevading sense of uselessness; a life of sitting on my hands once again waiting for my life to start. It's me in transition with nothing fulfilling to occupy my time with; nothing to challenge or distract me.

I thought the world didn't care about me anymore, couldn't be bothered with my trials and tribulations. I realized this wasn't the case at all, because what is there to be said for me and my situation? Much more interesting and engaging things are happening to people elsewhere.

My life now consists of attempting to exile the lingering effects of three past relationships while yearning the demise of three (eh, maybe four) other relationships of people around me. You see, life isn't the same as it was 2, 3, 4 years ago, and until my surroundings, my stimuli start to match that fact, I'm going to feel as bogged down by the past as I have for the past god's knows how long. That's why I left this site, this venue of outlet a few months ago. I agree with the argument that letting go of who you were is the only way to become who you will be, but when all the people, the places, the events and actions point straight back to what you yourself turned your back on, you have to ask yourself, what's the point in running away when it's all around you?
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taoman1121

02-10-05 5:02pm

Damn you, Woohu, for making me temporarily feel better!

And, wait for it... ::reality seeps back in::

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michellestar

02-11-05 1:25am

Welcome back, Jason.

And if you're bothered by this period of waiting...go change it. You're the only one who can.

Psst, how's Harsh Realm? A letdown? Perhaps. But I think the 2nd episode is artfully wonderful.

...I think. (it's been awhile)

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Fanelia

02-11-05 11:26am

I agree with the go change it part. I hate it when my life just sits there, so I refuse to let it. What you want isn't going to come to you and bite you in the ass.

And your past relationships are.... past relationships. And don't let other peoples' relationships bother you so much. It's there life.

That being said, I hope you start posting again. I've always found your entries to be interesting, and even though Michelle is super-cool, sometimes it gets lonely here just she and I. :-(

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Fanelia

Re:, 02-11-05 11:27am

*their life.

^^^ That's what I mean, friggin' English language ^_^

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TaoMan1121

Re:, 02-11-05 11:34am

I appreciate your gals' advice, but I don't feel like there's very much I can do to change it right now. Of course, I can take opportunities as they present themselves and so on, but as for the surroundings and the fact that everything is so similiar to the way it's always been, there's not very much I can do to change that right now, is there?

See, evidently that's what Woohu's been missing: testosterone. God knows Joe doesn't bring any of that to the table. :-P

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Leeder5421

02-14-05 5:30pm

Hey, don't worry, spring break is around the corner, you can let loose a little then. And we should still go to NY even if U2 is sold out, it's something to look forward to, is it not?

Yeah, I can see how you are getting anxious just waiting for life to pick up in K-zoo. God knows I am here in E.L., I am so sick of living with the roommates I didn't want to live with in the first place. (Of course, when graduation finally does come, I'm sure I'll do an about face and won't want to leave.)

I am still a bit interested in what your grad school plans are. You are understandably getting bored with K-zoo, so wouldn't a change in scenery do you good? It could be good for you to get out of Michigan for at least a few years, because for all you know you may end up living in MI for life. I'm not sure exactly what you're thoughts are on that, but for some reason I strongly suspect that you are planning to stay at WMU for grad school. Don't rule anything out though.

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