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| innocence (profile) wrote, on 2-16-2005 at 9:31pm | |
NEWSFLASH :: so did a shitload of other peoples plans for the weekend fell through, figured they would and im starting to not trust who i trusted before. I realized almost everybody talks shit and when its possible for you to get caught in anything you always point fingers.. always. Ive been sick since monday which sucks, but eh what can you do? didnt go to school today for the first day this year. Stayed in bed all day and watcched movie after movie. [italian job, oceans 11, a cinderella story, freaky friday, and getting there] My cat was with me the whole time, almost like he knew i was sick. hmph. ive decided to MOVE ON. Theres obviously not the same amount of feeling coming from both of us, so whats the point of me wasting my time. Im not gonna dwell over a guy who isnt even worth it. Friends, yeah of course i still wanna be friends, but other than that, i expect nothing. and what ive realized is .. his loss, not mine. The only thing i wish is that this fight between my family would get resolved because i really miss rob and joe. but foreal, i dont know why i let myself cry over a guy. A guy who is being persuaded by a bunch of people who wouldnt know the truth if it hit them on the head. but thats okay, because i have my friends and even tho theyre far away, theyre still there for me. [zach i was almost ready to say fuck everything i dont give a shit, but i just needed one push to get it overwith - and u did it, like u always do, and i love you] im finally ready to say FUCK YOU and move on. so lets be honest now fuck you pops for never being there for me when i needed you, and now im being there for you. it killed me for years that you werent a real father, but you know what, i cant change you and i have no desire to try. so heres my new slate. fresh and clean. i forgive you fuck you all at jfk for not being there when my mother needed you. i cant go back, i cant make my mother here again, but i forbid to hold a grudge on you fucks who have hearts blacker then night, i forbid to let ur faults stay in the back of my mind and drag me down, i forbid to let u make me feel miserable. i forgive you fuck you alex for being a dick, fuck you mo for being the stalker you are, fuck you mike and christine for mindfucking me, fuck you jimmy for being a tease and letting people get to you and for making me hear shit from the grapevine, but you know what. i pity you all for the bullshit you put me through. but i forgive you fuck you you bastards who broke into my house and stole from me and my mother while she was on her deathbed. but more then disgust i have in you, i again hold pity. but because you dont matter and you never did i forgive you and God, i hated you for taking my mother from me, i hated you for taking her the way you did, making her suffer, and me not being ready for her to leave, i hated you for the life i now live and i hated you for not letting me get one last hug, but you know what, she's in a better place, and she's happy, and she's looking down on me always. of course i want her back, but shes not coming back, and i think ive finally accepted that. and God i forgive you and last but not least fuck you danielle for letting all these people get to you and for spending nights crying and feeling sorry for yourself, nobodys life is perfect and nobodys ever will be. fuck you for feeling inferior and for holding on to things that cant change. fuck you for holding back feelings and not doing what you want when you want to, but even more then that, fuck you for not letting go and not being yourself. but it all doesnt matter because i forgive you i finally forgive myself, and im finally going to take a leap and let go. i have to, because denial is no better or easier then the real deal. God help me and please help me to get through the rest of my life, dont let me sell myself short, bc that is something i do easily. help me to stand up for myself and be a strong independant woman. forgiveness is beautiful. much love to my friends and family |
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| Anonymous | its melis, 02-16-05 11:59pm beautiful. it made me cry.
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strawberrie | OMG, 02-17-05 6:44pm sweetheart idk what to say im honestly speechless it sounds so horrible but honorable i look up to u so much sweetheart and i cant wait to see u not only to fulfill the space in my heart that was ripped from me but to share the tears that are streaming down my face as i type these things to u i honestly need u here its killing me how far apart we are there was a time in our lives where i was the first one to come to ur head n u were mine n now it seems like its not there but u just opened my eyes on a whole new perspective on things and life u never truly know what u have until its gone n that i hate i miss ur mom so much as well sweetheart but she is better and as healty as can be and she is always right beside u n theres so much more to say as time comes but imma go
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innocence | Re: its melis, 02-21-05 8:01pm mel i love and miss you sooo much and i have good news! we must talk! xo |
| Anonymous | ShOcKeD*, 02-17-05 9:00pm well #1...love the new layout...#2 wow...as u said i was shockedd...i think more ppl have a bad valentines day than a good one...soo we are pretty much apart of that group...well i really hope u feel better...im happy for you that u can be so strong and forget (well not really) but move foward from the jimmy thingg...i believe everything happens for a reason..wish i was as strong as youu...im still kinda speechless but...what u have written has really hit a spot in me..and has made me realize a lot...im proud of you...and im always here for ya...forgiving is prob the best way to go..so that u can have closer and move on from everythingg...dont have no regrets...i lovee youu....your a wonderful beautiful person and he lost a great catch..now ur all mine ((tehee)) - LaUrEn* |
Anonymous | 02-19-05 12:42am ya mine valentines sucked too, i didnt get laid... i had to wait for the next day
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| Anonymous | wick, 02-26-05 6:25pm oh how i miss you.
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innocence | Re: wick, 02-27-05 8:45pm u too wick, u too! i miss and love u sooo much. but im coming to visit in summer, we'll get together! xoxo |
Anonymous | Re: Re: wick, 03-02-05 11:12am yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!
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