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| spud (profile) wrote, on 2-17-2005 at 5:38pm | |
| Current mood: scrumtrelescent Music: Weird Al |
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| wow. that was weird. i don't know. lately life has just felt off. like i'm numb. like it's not really happening to me, i'm just watching someone else go through it. it leaves me with a horrible empty feeling. in fact, horrible empty feeling about sums it up in all facets of my life. i just can't figure out what i've done so horribly wrong to do all this harm. i tried my best, didn't i? i know i did. i always do. i guess at the end of the day, just like any other, my best wasn't good enough. and i'd like to apologize to all of you for that. i really wish it were better. just for you guys, that's all i want. i want to make it better for everyone else. i know if i do that, then i'll naturally feel better too. i don't mean pretending to be okay when i'm not, i just mean being okay when i know there's no good reason not to. all too often i'll dwell on the negative crap, and let it drag me down, when i should be using the good stuff to hold me up. nobody likes being around a miserable person, except of course for all of the other miserable people. and i'd rather not be one of them. i just hope i did the right thing today. i guess i didn't really have a choice. it was her decision. i had already made mine. and in the end of it all, mine doesn't mean dick to the outcome, so hey. even if it wasn't the right thing, it was the best i could do, so what the fuck am i worrying about? i'm suddenly very tired. and still cold and empty. i really think it's this house. or at least the people in it. i really don't want to be one of them. les miserables. but they love company. and i love having food and a bed. i guess i have to figure out where my priorities are; in my stomach or in my soul. i just feel bad. i suppose one always does, when one ruins the life of another. |
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rayray | 02-17-05 11:23pm I think a lot of us are feeling that empty, numb feeling. And for some of us, no matter what we do to try to enjoy the small things that are good, everything still manages to turn to crap before us. I am sorry you are feeling these feelings. I wish I could help. |
spud | Re:, 02-18-05 2:02am these are the times that help us appreciate the small good things amidst all the other crap.
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