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| mle (profile) wrote, on 4-30-2002 at 11:34pm | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: silverchair - suicidal dream Subject: 3rd shitty day... and counting |
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please come now i think im falling... hold me now im six feet from the edge and im thinking maybe six feet aint so far down im so far down (creed - one last breath) and the war rages on... i havent felt this horrible since my serious bout w/ depression back in late fall. and thats when my bulimia started. i wonder what new complexity ill attain this time around. im kinda worried it mite be something more dangerous. im scared shitless, totally freaked out of my mind: suicide. i havent thought about it seriously in so long. but its back. and im fighting so hard not to succomb to its lies, but its seems hopeless. the only way out. i know its not, but i cant find any other exits from this place. i traced the cord back to the wall no wonder, it was never plugged in at all (blink 182 - adam's song) i find no ease, no pleasure, no satisfaction in anything. at all. i want to quit dance. and that says a lot. nothing seems worthwhile. at all! the thought of commitments, school, people, waking up in the morning.... they all shove me deeper and deeper down into my ocean. ive got so much water in my lungs that its a struggle to stay alive. i think i have some kind of anxiety disorder... im sinking slowly so hurry hold me (michelle branch - all you wanted) mle |
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drunkslut | 05-01-02 9:17am emily, youre scarin me way too much... |
| mle | Re:, 05-01-02 4:23pm i dont mean to scare you. not at all. i just need help, but i cant find anything or anyone that will help me enough.
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spud | 05-02-02 9:45pm boy. we really need to get together. i want to talk about stuff. you want to talk about stuff. our weekends were made for each other. well. okay, maybe not, but i do want to get together. my hardest thing to attain is a ride, and an opening in my schedule. i'm not terribly busy, but i hate running around. but i really want to do this. what are you doing this weekend? or later? but i really would like to, sometime. i need it. there's nobody in cedar to talk to about my crap. maybe this is the perfect opportunity. and i might be able to provide you with some insight. it's potentially symbiotic. very rare in my social life. we usually just trade whoever gets the shaft. |