| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| wiredshut (profile) wrote, on 3-15-2005 at 12:58pm | |
| Current mood: serious Music: my chemical romance Subject: Real Self |
|
| A friend of mine asked today "is it your real self that you write in your journal?" and i told her tha truth- almost. Nothing that i have have written has been a lie. I feel that i can never be myself to anyone- what if they don't like it? I think that my sisters kind of know the "real me" because they are the only ones that understand about mum, but even they don't know it all, they don't have to live with her- they never did. I try not to complain but it's hard not to. It's even harder talking about it because i find it almost physically impossible to find the words and my jaw ceases up, sometimes i even get a stutter. I end up just feeling awkward and that makes me feel isolated. I always feel isolated. Mira and all of my friends think that they know me but they know nothing about me, not one clue really and i can never ever seem to be able to talk to them, they just want to have fun- why should i be the one to stop them? At the moment the person that knows me most doesn't even know it and thats 103-. She doesn't even know about mum properly but i act more of myself around her than others (this sounds so staged since i know shes gonna read this- its not) proberbly because i can see that she has hidden depths maybe we can confide in one another one day. Everyone else is so shallow- they proberly do but they never seem to have any major problems- it sounds selfish, but i don't see any. It's ironic coz 103- has known me for less time- maybe thats why i trust her more, also we seem to have way more in common. Even so she still doesn't know the real me completely, i always hold something back to myself. No one in this world knows the real me. I spend my life acting and pretending- I'm getting tierd. -I apologise for logging such a selfish entry. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
mustard | 03-15-05 8:45am
|