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| Kreyz (profile) wrote, on 3-15-2005 at 8:04pm | |
| Current mood: confused Music: 2Dirte - Get Drunk |
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| These are the rare moments when I really do wanna just melt the confusion away with a few beers. Get my head screwed on straight. Work was shitty, and slow. I just had a case of the blahs, and all I could think about was Jessika. How I wanted to talk to Jessika at all times, and I was wishing things were different than now. Oh god, I would give up everything I have to just be with her in a relationship. But thats not how things are, and probably won't ever be. Who knows, if I keep pushing myself into her life. The Problem with that is that shes resisting cuz i'm pushing so much, its smothering her, and I don't really have full intentions on doing that. I care about her so much, I'm just bored with all other forms of entertainment. But I get home, and as usual, I wait for her to get online, and I guess I pretty much scared the fuck outta her, cuz of the smothering. I don't try to, I really don't. But I guess its just natural reaction... But don't get me wrong. While I try hard as fuck to not do the things I do to stop myself, something slips, and boom... I start to scare her... and shit just keeps happening and happening and happening, and I've lost control... and I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING BY THEN! What the fuck is wrong with me? Someone so wonderful has a slight interest in me, and I go haywire in all ways. I throw myself into these situations, and I do whatever I can to get the girl. This time its backfiring, and I have to come up with a new plan: Just be the girls God Damn friend and see how things turn out. She tells me that she cares about me and she loves me like mad, but the situation that has been placed in front of her; Mark and his cheating ass, Donavin and her love for the Buddah Boo, Me and my Houdini trick where I just popped outta nowhere into her life... plus she can't move back in with her parents... also me with my smothering her... her life is messed up and she needs time to think about all this... I say that I understand this, and I believe I do. But i'm becoming an impatient bastard over time... I think i'm losing my mind and really becoming Kreyz. Like Kevin Reynolds is kinda dying or something, I don't know... I really don't know anymore. Life is getting fucked up as the world turns... These are the Days of our lives with the Bold and the Beautiful, the Young and the Restless, showing their Guiding Light to ER which is at the General Hospital. Ok, that was odd... Why did I do that? Probably hilarity value, so I hope it works... But I plan on trying my fucking hardest and damnest to not smother Jessika anymore, at least until she jumps me or something. But I won't do any physical advances anymore, cuz I think that fucks up her thinking about stuff... and as much as I'd like for her to get into a relationship with me, I might have to face the fact that right now, she just wants to be friends. I'm so used to skipping the friends part, I guess that my way to handle it is to smother her. But that shit stops, and i'll try to be her friend... I guess I just gotta act the same way for her that I did when I started being friends with Jenny... It could work... Well, thats my ranting, so tell me what you think, or gimme advice, and thanks for reading my shpeal. Peace n Chicken Grease -Kreyz McKormik |
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squish322 | 03-15-05 9:05pm i know how you feel |
| Anonymous | 03-16-05 12:41am You sound like a stalker. |
Kreyz | Re:, 03-17-05 7:49am Thank you for your input, Mary. |
stroker | 03-16-05 12:50am Its like a tape. I've heard this all before.
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deathstalka | 03-16-05 8:33am Well, don't let go, but yeah, back off a little. |
Kreyz | 03-17-05 7:50am Yeah, thats the plan... Its fucking harder than anything i've ever tried to do, but I plan on at least trying a little. I hope I don't get out of control again... at least until shes going out with me... |