| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| kreyz (profile) wrote, on 3-22-2005 at 4:49pm | |
| Current mood: Better Music: KMK - 4-2-0 |
|
| I am feeling a little bit better than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was so stressed out from all that had been happening that I couldn't really eat anything. All I had to eat yesterday was two small hamburger patties that my dear old mother had made for me. I had to drop off her car to her because she needed it for bowling. I had to use her car because mine hasn't been working since I picked up Jessika from JD's house, and I hate to be a burden on my mother when it comes to driving her car, but I need the car pretty bad. Otherwise, I dont' get to work. So anyways, Mom dropped me off at my place, and I was watching Wrestling, Lord of the Rings, and playing Pokemon Colluseum all at the same time. God I'm good with that multi-tasking stuff! But I eventually fell asleep on the couch watching TV, and around Midnight, I got a call from Jeremy. He was saying that if I wanted to talk to Jessika, that she was online at that time. Beforehand, I had sent her an email or two and maybe an offline message on YIM, and I was pretty much begging to talk to her. What made me feel bad about the situation was that I had a conversation with Tom, who was saying that the more I push it, the worse it was going to be, so I was gonna kinda disappear for a few days, maybe a week, so that way everyone who knew about my God-Awful mistake would have some time to cool down without having to hear from me. Well, that kinda pissed off Jessika, because I believe she was online for 10 hours waiting for me. And it was kind of a slap in the face, I will admit, that was on my part, because I didn't explain it to her. I just don't want people, especially her, to hurt anymore. Well, we talked from midnight to about 130-2am about what happened Sunday. She was pretty much drilling it into me. I know I deserved it. I screwed up really bad. So I didn't fight it. There was no need to. I was an idiot and I hurt her emotionally. But the good thing is that I think she might be giving me a second chance. I know shes a little leary about doing that, and I know that the "us" thing with me and her will more than likely never be, but I just want that chance to at least be a friend. So I guess we're gonna work on that. I have come to a realization that there are a lot of things I need to change in order to better myself... especially the part where I don't listen to anything anyone says. Tom says that he hasn't really noticed it until recently. But I think it may have something to do with me not taking ritalin since 11th grade... I don't really know, but I think it might have something to do with it, so I might try to see a doctor about it or whatnot... I'm really sick of not being able to pay attention to anyone... It reminds me of how when I was in 4th grade, I was always getting bitched at for not paying attention, and its happening all over again. I don't want this to happen, so I guess I gotta start making something of myself again... right now i'm checking out www.AdultADD.com to see what I can do to get back on the right track. I hope that I'll be able to get the help I might need. So, now that I'm done with this, I gotta jet so I can get something to eat. All i've had today is three Tacos and they aren't all that filling when you haven't eaten much in two days. Peace n Chicken Grease. -Kreyz McKormik |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
| Anonymous | This is Jessikah, 03-22-05 7:41pm Hey.... I don't really know why you don't pay attention. I know for a fact that I have adult ADD i got diagnosted with it when i started college. But i chose not to get drugs for it and to work on it myself because i don't want to have to rely on drugs the rest of my life. I learned that if i focus on what people are telling me and actually pay attention that it's much easier to control. It's difficult but it works.
|
| deathstalka | Re: This is Jessikah, 03-22-05 7:59pm Well, at least your talking again. |
kreyz | Re: This is Jessikah, 03-22-05 9:01pm Well, I meant the second chance on being friends. Thats all I ask for. I'm glad that you're giving me this second chance, even though I don't really deserve it. And Trust me, you'll be getting those tears back, even possibly in tenfold.
|