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| teenybeany (profile) wrote, on 4-10-2005 at 9:39am | |
| Current mood: i don't want to be up Subject: Dedicated to: it's a secret what this is dedicated to |
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| OKAY. Yesterday I went to the city with some of my artsy fartsy's (and to make it clear I am not an artsy fartsy ... yet.) and it was very fun. But then it made me realize... I'm/we're never going to have the same relationships that we have here, ever again. Of course we'll have friends and we'll love them dearly like we love each other, maybe we'll even love them more, but it won't be the same. I love my artsy fartsy's and had fun with them yesterday, but it made me realize that things are going to be so different in a few months. so much more different than i think we're all expecting. and it made me sad and scared to think that i won't have the same type of certain bonds with people. how could you have the same relationships with people who you didn't grow up with and grow through your awkward years with? so i realized. that i should savor up the last few weeks of my friends of my roots. even thought i just said that, it doesn't mean i'm going to be all party party social social. but it does mean that i realize the importance of my friends and our unreplaceable friendships. and will keep that in mind until. welllll. hopefully forever. so yesterday when i was in the city, having fun and prancing around, i realized i was having a different kind of fun. and even prancing around a different way! the conversations went along differently. the topics were different. even our mode of transportation was different! subway over cab. and where we ate was different. what we did. all that jazz. i don't even know if i was the same. maybe i was different too. so it's not like i don't want new relationships to build. new and different relationships. but i have to say. i have to admit. that i am nervous about leaving the old ones. yesterday. i hated how i couldn't say certain things or do certain things because they just wouldn't understand. yea they understand me but i think they understand a different me. for a few split seconds here and there i felt .. so .. unprotected .. or something. like i missed spazzing out here and there like i do all the time with RAB. and i know that it was just like... a day without my friends... and so you're probably saying "you missed it ?" but yes. i did. for those split seconds i missed it because it made me realize i may never be able to do it again. of course i'm excited for college. no f'n doubt. you've got to be insane to think that i've changed my mind. and i most certainly am excited to meet new people and just get a breath of fresh air. and make the awesomest of friends. but stillllllllllllllllllllllllll. don't you understand people !! everything will be different!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i don't like change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! although. this change is inevitable. and i'm believing .. and hoping a lot... that this change will be a good change. and the best ever. i'm sorry this update wasn't funny. but i don't care because i'm up now because i have to go to work so i can update however i want bc my boss has carpel tunnel (sp?) and i don't want to go to work and serve pastries with 468,599,000 calories to people who are already obese making the statistics of U.S. weight go up. i'm updating a lot these days. woop woop woop !!! !!! !!! |
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lexish | ---, 04-10-05 11:42am Bean updates are good no matter what.
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